


Damn, I'm In It

by grimeysociety



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, Darcy Lewis Is a Good Bro, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-01-23 09:16:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21317770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimeysociety/pseuds/grimeysociety
Summary: Darcy needs a fake boyfriend so her family stops trying to set her up. She asks Bucky to step in. He's surprised - considering they've been sharing a bed the past several months and he was under the impression that they were already dating.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Darcy Lewis
Comments: 702
Kudos: 986





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [duchess007](https://archiveofourown.org/users/duchess007/gifts).

> This was [an anonymous prompt](https://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/post/188272542513/prompt-darcy-fed-up-with-questions-about-her) sent to me a few weeks ago. I've never written the fake dating trope before, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. Expect some angst to go with the fluff and smut. Hopefully I don't bum you out too much. The title comes from the HAIM song [Now I'm In It](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-UnzRM24IM).
> 
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)

_You fucked me so good that I almost said, "I love you"_  
_You're fun and you're wild_  
_But you don't know the half of the shit that you put me through_

\- **"Norman fucking Rockwell" by Lana Del Rey**

She took a running jump and landed on top of him, his groan drowned out by her giggles.

She sat on her knees in his lap, his copy of _The Road _between them. He loved to read, and it was something Darcy knew the history books didn’t necessarily note – that Bucky Barnes was a massive nerd.

“Fuck me,” she whispered, and he began to laugh.

“Again?”

She supposed it was his half-assed attempt at deescalating the situation. He was still naked under the sheet that covered his lower half. Darcy had stolen his t-shirt to wear, his flesh hand already under the hem of it to grip her hip. His book was put aside as she leaned down to kiss him, his facial hair tickling her already swollen lips.

He always kissed her whole-heartedly, the exercise itself worthy enough to be completely separate from anything else that transpired. He kissed her with little purpose beyond it. It took some adjusting, that he didn’t always see it as a form of foreplay. He liked to kiss her, and he was good at it. Darcy knew he was likely the best lay she ever had. Before he could get too caught up in making out, she shoved the sheet down and clasped his cock without looking down, his low chuckle in her ear as she pressed her lips down his jawline and neck.

She moved back to rub him between her legs lazily, sucking in a breath when he brushed her swollen clit. She smelt of him already.

“You turning me down?” she whispered, shifting to stroke herself against him, seeing his lips part at the slippery sensation.

He shook his head, passing a hand over his face.

“Christ…”

It was like he didn’t know what he was going to do with her, this pesky appetite of hers. He bit his lip as she kept rocking back and forth, his hand on her hip tightening. It didn’t take long for him to get hard around her. He joked about her only needing to be in the same room as him to give him tight pants.

He pulled at his stolen shirt.

“Let’s take this off.”

Darcy obliged, crossing her arms and tugging it over her head, watching Bucky’s eyes fall to her naked chest. He never disappointed her. His face always changed, a little dazed, sometimes a flush would creep over his cheeks. His lips pulled into a smile and Darcy beamed down at him, reaching between them as she lifted her hips.

She guided the tip of him inside her and he drew in a breath. She eased down his thick length, the stretch still making her pause every time.

Since it was the third time that day, she was slower, working him over in languid rolls of her hips, grinding her clit against him as he tilted his head up, eyes fluttering shut. She still enjoyed watching his face as she rode, her palms flat on his chest.

“Fuck,” he gasped, turning his head a little against her pillow. “You feel so good…”

“You don’t feel so bad yourself, Sarge,” she replied, and his eyes snapped to hers, taking hold of her hips to rock up into her.

“That all?” he said, and his hand moved between them, his thumb pressing her clit.

Darcy tensed, giggling at his reaction. She liked that he knew to indulge her little barbs. She glanced down at the hard muscles of his chest and stomach, her hands gliding over them, her pace picking up speed. It was harder to find the friction she required, but she kept at it, grinding with Bucky’s unyielding thumb...

The reward finally came and she shook all over, a keening sound ebbing from her mouth, her eyes squeezed shut as her cunt gripped him, the bloom of sweet euphoria originating at her core and reaching the very edges of her, the tips of her tingling toes…

“Fuck,” she gasped, laughing at the end, slowing her hips.

Bucky planted his foot and spun them so she was thrown down onto the mattress with a breathless laugh. He pushed her legs up to rest her ankles on his shoulders as he tucked back inside her, his hips snapping. Her nails bit into his skin as he rendered her speechless – his pace was set to hard and fast, chasing his own release. At the last second he leaned down to kiss her, her teeth catching his lip as he came, a little broken moan slipping out of him.

“Teamwork,” she said, and she rose a hand for him to high-five and he obliged, skin smacking together.

He chuckled, rolling off of her onto his back, panting. He lay there for several seconds, then wrapped an arm around her shoulders to tug her closer.

“Hey, c’mere,” he whispered, and he gave her a messy kiss, his long hair tickling her face.

She loved the way he grabbed at her, made it seem like he couldn’t help himself, like he had to touch her. She could feel the wet mess between her legs and she pulled back with a loud smack of her lips, glancing down.

“Gotta pee,” she said, wriggling out and ducking out of the bedroom.

She waded carefully to the toilet and sat down, relieving herself as she called out:

“You wanna order pizza?”

She knew the answer already but still liked to check. Sometimes he had other shit to do, not that it would stop her from eating a whole pizza alone, she just preferred a partner in crime.

“Yeah. Where’s your phone?”

He appeared in the doorway and Darcy pointed to the sink where her phone lay face-down. She got up, flushing as he unlocked her phone and opened the app. She washed her hands, drying them as he flicked through to the previous orders tab.

“I liked the vegan taco one,” he murmured, and she grinned.

“Really? Old geezer like you getting into the plant-based stuff?”

His brows lifted at her and she smirked, taking the phone from him, promptly pressing the reorder button with her thumb. She glanced down at his nakedness, seeing his dick was wet and pink.

“Don’t get any ideas,” he said, and she gave it a little squeeze with her spare hand before letting him go.

He moved to lift the toilet seat, Darcy’s eyes resting on his rear end as he peed.

“It’s ten minutes away,” she said, glancing at her phone once more. “I’ll go get it.”

She always did, the unspoken agreement between them that Bucky never was expected to because he wasn’t great with strangers. She’d take the short trek down to the lobby when the delivery guy was close. She walked back into the bedroom as Bucky flushed and freshened up.

She redressed, picking up his book and turning it over to read the blurb.

“I still haven't read any Cormac McCarthy,” she murmured, feeling Bucky come up behind her and flop down on the bed, pulling the sheet over his body. “Any good?”

“Yeah,” he said, taking it back from her. “At least until I was rudely interrupted.”

“Pussy breaks are great for reading,” she retorted, and she saw his lips curl in the corner of her eye.

She was scrolling through her emails, rereading one she’d been putting off replying to. It was the Lewis newsletter.

“Listen,” she began, and she saw Bucky put down his book again at the change in her tone. She cleared her throat. “I got… an email from my mom. She’s kinda… pushy this time of year.”

“What about?” he said, and she saw him frown.

He was very pretty showing every emotion, and it was downright unfair. She rolled her eyes.

“Can you come with me to a dinner this weekend? It’s lame but we do it before Christmas every year. It’s kind of like a surrogate Christmas because we’re all busy with extended family. Well, everyone but me is married or attached, so –”

“What?” Bucky said, his eyes widening slightly.

She’d dreaded asking him this for days. But it was now or never. If he said no, at least she asked.

“Can you be my fake boyfriend so my family gets off my case about dating?”

Her eyes swung to meet his face and she was met with wide blue eyes staring back at her, and her stomach twisted.

_“What?”_ was all he managed to reply.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the response so far! These dumbasses are about to get even dumber.

_You're the only friend I need_   
_Sharing beds like little kids_   
_Laughing 'til our ribs get tough_   
_But that will never be enough_

\- **"Ribs" by Lorde**

He thought of his eyeballs popping, or perhaps falling out of their sockets. He thought of his head exploding, the ringing in his ears beforehand. Whatever else Darcy said was lost in the ether as he stared into space, her words circling around and around.

He came inside her minutes ago and she was talking about him pretending to be her boyfriend. He carded a hand through his hair, realizing there was a pause in her speech. She was standing there holding her phone, staring at him.

“You good?”

“Yeah,” he managed to reply, and he looked away from her.

He felt as if he’d stepped into another world, something unfamiliar. He picked up his book and turned it over, once, twice.

“I should go,” he said.

He was certain she’d read it on his face, that he was beyond confused, that he’d suffered an emotional whiplash of sorts.

“Oh, the pizza –”

“Yeah,” he cut in, not looking at her. He grabbed his underwear from the floor and pulled them on. He’d smell of her for hours. He’d _been_ smelling of her.

He cleared his throat.

“Forgot about a gym session with Sam.”

It was a lie and if it was obvious to Darcy he hoped she’d give him the space. She’d done it before, ignored blatant lies of his for both their sakes. Usually it was out of irony, not to preserve Bucky’s dignity. He redressed and snatched his book, the whole time Darcy watched him.

He gave her a quick glance over his shoulder as he left the bedroom, walking down the hallway to her front door. He took hold of the doorknob.

“See you,” he said, and he quickly ducked out, shutting the door behind him.

Was he really that dense? How’d he got this so wrong?

-

He doesn’t remember the first time he saw her. He was pretty sure that he was a giant ball of anxiety when that occurred, months and months ago. He wished he remembered. She probably did something very cute, like scrunch her nose up and frown.

He remembered the first time Darcy acknowledged Sam from a distance, when he called to her:

“Hey, Lewis!”

She promptly stopped walking as he did this and flipped him off, walking on. The exchange made Sam laugh under his breath as Bucky stared after her. She was wearing a pair of pants that looked like a second skin.

“What was that about?” he muttered, and Sam glanced at him.

They were sitting in the foyer waiting for Steve at the time, neither of them sitting properly on the chairs, their arms folded, Bucky’s hood covering the majority of his head and face, his hair in the way.

“She’s pissed because I used the last of her Sriracha mayo. I didn’t mean to. She’s pretty territorial when it comes to food,” Sam muttered.

They watched Darcy duck into an elevator.

“Who is she?”

“Darcy. She works in the labs.”

He felt Sam’s eyes watching him and Bucky turned his head to glare.

“Alright. I won’t push. But she seems like she’d be fun. And she’s cute.”

“She’s gorgeous,” Bucky amended, and Sam laughed.

“Okay. You’re right…”

He ran into her a second time a week later, on her way somewhere with a stack of papers in her arms, huffing to herself. He heard her call after the elevator, his hand darting out to stop the doors closing.

“Hey,” she said, a little breathless.

The doors closed and they were silent, an awkward pause.

“Uh… do you need the… labs?” he muttered, and she glanced at him again, her eyes going up and down.

Bucky felt his cheeks blush under her big blue eyes. Her eyelashes were really long and fluttery, her lips shiny and pink. He was sure if he wasn’t too careful steam would come out of his ears and his tongue would flop out of his mouth like a cartoon character.

“Yes, please.”

He leaned over to press the button for the labs with his cybernetic thumb, the sound of his arm whirring jarring.

He tried to remember a time when he was good at this – making conversation, meeting women, getting to know them. He felt flustered, and he was sure it showed on his face. She didn’t seem to mind, if anything she was smiling at him like she was pleased to run into him.

She was dressed virtually the same as last time. The pants she wore left little to the imagination, at least when it came to how perfect her ass was. He noticed she wasn’t dressed like the other women in the Tower and he wondered why that was the case – maybe she didn’t have to follow a protocol, or maybe she just did what she wanted. Either way, he liked to think it said something about her.

“It’s Bucky right?” she said, watching the numbers go down.

He blinked a couple times, feeling caught. Her eyes met his and he swallowed.

“Uh, yeah. You’re Darcy,” he replied.

“You been asking about me?”

He could hear the teasing in her tone, but his heartrate still picked up speed. He touched the back of his head with his hand, trying to find something worthwhile to say.

“Yeah,” he finally said. Honesty seemed to be the best policy by how she grinned at him.

He was reminded of another time, lost somewhere in the deep recesses of his memories. A different woman, but the same kind of conversation. The flirty banter that was rewarded with a kiss. He thought of a movie theatre, smoke in the air, a hand resting on a creamy thigh under a long skirt.

He glanced at Darcy’s full mouth, saw how her lips curled.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened, the glass doors of the labs revealed. She walked out, pausing and turning.

“See you around. Hopefully,” she said.

The doors closed and Bucky let out a breath, sure he was hard just from her stare alone. Jesus Christ.

-

He saw her again, walking between Natasha and Doctor Foster. It was a Friday night and Sam managed to drag Bucky out for a couple beers. He’d hoped to see her, but thought he wouldn’t last that long at the party.

Bucky didn’t do the whole socializing thing. It didn’t matter if a dame was there, he just floundered under the sheer amount of shit going on all at once.

He nursed a beer in a corner with Sam, Steve in the distance and chatting to Sharon Carter. Bucky liked watching Steve do well. Every so often he and Sam would smile at him and Steve would shoot them a grumpy look. It was fun stirring him up.

“Oh, hello,” Sam said, and Bucky’s eyes darted to the three women who walked in.

They were in a line, Darcy in the middle. She wore a leather jacket over a yellow t-shirt with a pair of dark tight jeans and black boots. She looked around, her eyes resting on Bucky.

He felt like the world could evaporate, leaving just the two of them, until Sam began to chuckle and he was brought back, trying not to cringe.

“Shut up,” he muttered, and Sam laughed louder. “Shut the fuck up…”

He looked away, drinking his beer, and Sam smacked his arm.

“She’s coming over.”

Sam made himself scarce, taking off as Darcy came over, her hands on her hips by the time she reached Bucky.

His hand felt sweaty as he gripped his beer bottle for dear life, her eyes meeting his and holding his stare.

“Hi again,” he said. He knew his nerves were too obvious. Maybe he should embrace them. She didn’t seem the type to make fun of him, at least not because he was nervous.

“Hi,” she replied. “You abandoned?”

They were practically yelling over the music. That was the other thing that Bucky hated about these get-togethers – it was all so loud and obnoxious. He didn’t know how Steve handled it so well. He didn’t know how _anyone_ did this willingly.

He moved closer to her to speak into her ear, feeling brave enough to touch her arm. He had thought about it long enough – touching her for real.

“Yeah, I am.”

She smiled up at him, and it seemed so easy to make her do that. She wasn’t afraid of him at all. He ignored the voice inside that told him to warn her – she would already know everything if she already knew his name.

“You wanna get me a drink?” she asked, and he smiled at her, nodding.

She followed him over to the bar, where he got her a beer, tapping hers with his. He could feel a heat begin to stir in the base of his spine, and in his guts. It didn’t take him a lot of convincing to leave the main area for a balcony.

She tipped her bottle back as she drank, leaning against the rail. He watched her throat work before swinging his gaze away to the city lights, drinking in silence.

There was something between them. He hadn’t had this with someone in God knows how long. Decades, probably. He tried to not think about how rusty he was, because she didn’t seem to mind. She bumped his arm with hers, giggling softly.

“You come here often?” she whispered, and he let out a breath of a laugh.

It was a relief that she was making fun of the moment between them. The humor was like a balm, and he shook his head.

“I think… it’s obvious I don’t,” he murmured.

He liked this little bubble they created between them, the city below, the party going on behind them. The moon above.

He leaned on his elbow and she copied him, tilting her head. He shook his head slightly and she smiled wider.

“What?”

“Nothin’… you’re just…”

“I’m making you blush?” she said, and he felt it – his face deepen a shade.

“Yeah,” he replied.

He passed a hand over his face, hearing her giggle some more. He finished his beer, shaking his head. It was a relief that he didn’t have to pretend. She seemed to bring it out of him, force him to look her in the eye and state his intentions.

“You wanna get outta here?” he murmured, and she leaned closer, her smile faltering for a split second.

“Why?”

She was playing with fire and she knew it. He looked at her mouth.

“You’re the reason I came,” he said.

She blinked, and suddenly it was reversed – she blushed, ducking her gaze to the label on her beer bottle that she was peeling off.

“Okay…”

His stomach was flipping as they made their way back through the party, slipping out into the hallway to take an elevator. She pressed a button, wordlessly deciding that they’d go back to her floor. He thought about shoving her against the elevator wall, but he wanted to pretend he wasn’t a complete animal for a little bit longer.

Time stretched when they were alone. The anticipation was stirring the desire in his guts. It wasn’t until her front door shut behind them that he finally reach for her, Darcy’s hands going to the sides of his face.

It didn’t feel casual. The air was charged. He closed his eyes when he kissed her, pressing his lips to hers in a slow peck. His hands went to her waist, slipping under her jacket to brush her t-shirt. She moved her head to the side as he nudged her lips with his tongue. She opened her mouth a little wider, granting him entrance as she sighed into it, her hands sunk into his hair -

He pulled back, kissing her with his eyes open, little slow pecks, his eyes glued to hers.

“You taste nice.”

“Hmm,” was all she could say, and he kissed her hard, doing his best to ride the wave of the moment.

He kept thinking he’d freak out, literally drop her when he picked her up, her legs wrapping around his middle. He walked them through the apartment, almost tripping over the shit she had on her floor.

“My place is a shithole, I’m sorry…”

Something about the admission was assuring to him, that she didn’t mind him seeing her this way. She wasn’t uptight and closed off. She was open and unapologetic. He cut her off with another kiss, his hands settling on her ass as he moved to place her on the unmade bed in her room.

She shucked off her jacket and peeled off her shirt, revealing the bra she was nearly spilling out of. He could make out the blue veins beneath her pale skin, and he moved to nip at her, her hips rocking into his. His hand came up her back to slip under her bra strap and Darcy moved faster than ever, undoing the garment and tossing it away.

“Christ,” he gasped, unable to censor himself.

She was so beautiful. He leaned down to kiss her breast, massaging the other, rolling the nipples and catching her mouth again. The kisses grew messy and she was panting, trying to grab his shirt hard enough to tug it up.

He thought of his arm and stopped, freezing in place. She paused, her hand touching the side of his face.

“You… are you okay?” she whispered, and he looked at her furrowed brow, her bitten lips.

“Yeah, just – I…”

He couldn’t find the words, unsure of how he could avoid such a mood killer. His scar tissue was ugly. His cybernetic limb still made people stare on a good day.

He kissed her instead of talking. He heard her moan in his ears and rocked up into her. Her grip tightened in his hair, making him hiss. There was a neediness to her touch that took over him, made him go to the fly of her jeans as he sucked the air out of her.

“C’mere,” he whispered.

If he paused for too long he’d lose his nerve. He knew himself well enough to know not to overthink lowering her onto his cock, her eyes widening when he managed to take his dick out of his pants with frantic fumbling in between breathless kisses.

“Holy… shit,” she gasped, and he squeezed his eyes shut at the tight feel of her.

She felt warm and wet and he moaned into her mouth, one hand on her hip as he began to rut. Their first time was fast, the urgency too strong to ignore. He didn’t want it to end, but he knew he couldn’t last a while. It’d been such a long time.

He panted before she sealed her mouth over his, her hand shoved between them to rub the little bundle of nerves, her whole body tightening. His orgasm slammed into him, and he was weightless for three whole seconds, his nails biting into her hip –

“Oh, shit. Shit! Shit!”

The mood shifted so abruptly Bucky felt a panic rise in him, Darcy stopping completely, her eyes screwed up, not in ecstasy but in exasperation.

“I’m such a fucking idiot. I totally forgot…”

“What, what is it?” he panted, and she jumped off of him, the scent of his musk hitting his nostrils a second later.

Her hand cupped her mound and she winced, muttering curse words to herself.

“I fucked up. I forgot you couldn’t – Jesus, I’m so _fucking stupid_….”

She dashed out of the room, leaving him with his jeans still at his ankles, his dick hard and wet. He heard her in the bathroom, hissing and splashing water in the sink. He pulled his pants back up and sat up, watching her as she came back in, shaking her head.

“I have to go,” she said. “Fuck my life.”

“Where? What do you need?”

“Need to… fucking deal with this,” she said, nodding at the space between her legs, grabbing her jeans to pull them back on, shoving on a shirt and random sweater she found on the floor. “I’m not on any birth control.”

It took a lot of effort to not put his face in his hands at her words. He felt immediate shame that he hadn’t thought of it at all – the fact that he could shoot inside her and get her pregnant.

“I was supposed to get a new IUD put in next week. Completely fucking forgot. I didn’t even buy rubbers, like, what the fuck is _wrong with me_….”

She kept going but Bucky was stuck on the scenario itself, that both of them managed to forget something so important.

“I’ll go with you,” he said, interrupting her flow.

“What?” she said, as if remembering he was there. She blinked, running a hand through her hair, making it messier.

“It’s my fault –”

“Dude, don’t worry about it,” she said, laughing a little. She shook her head. “I just need to get to a CVS or something.”

“I’ll pay for it. Whatever you need,” he said.

He followed her as she picked up her shoes to put them back on, grabbing her hand bag that had been tossed aside at the front door.

They took the elevator in silence. All Bucky could smell was her. He kept thinking of the mess between her legs. At one point, she closed her eyes, shaking her head.

“I can’t believe I’m still doing shit like this,” she whispered.

She bought something called Plan B, a pill that cost about $40. He insisted on paying for it, which only seemed to make things worse, but he wasn’t about to pour all blame onto her. She took it with a bottle of Arrowhead water as they walked out of the pharmacy.

He caught her wrist in his hand and she glanced up at him, the bottle at her lips.

“You wanna get a cup of coffee?”

He was improvising. He thought the moment couldn’t get any more awkward. Her brows knitted together.

“What, like a date?”

Thinking back on the first time they had sex, he should have slowed it down. That whole night was a great example of how things tended to get out of control when they were alone for too long.

“Sure,” he replied.

He should have said more. Told her he couldn’t stop thinking about her, even though he hardly knew her. There were better ways to do everything he’d done so far.

Instead, he had sex with her again that night, after he went back out to buy a box of condoms. She tasted of coffee and smelt of his come and saliva, her own musk marking his skin as they rolled around together in the needy haze of her bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sam:** oh she's cute  
**Bucky:** how DARE you, she is a GODDESS
> 
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this after having a terrible day, then I felt significantly better. UGH. Anyway, enjoy the fuckery.

_I'm alone in my head_  
_But I wish you were in my bed_  
_Can't get a read on myself_  
_Gotta change this situation_

\- **"Now I'm In It" by HAIM**

Bucky hadn’t left her apartment that abruptly in a long time.

She stared at the space he occupied only seconds before. It was like she was Wile E. Coyote and he was the Road Runner, the dust still settling.

She wondered what that was about – maybe she’d scared him with the opportunity to meet her family. She knew he was terrible at making small talk. He hated meeting new people. He wasn’t that good at trying normal things. She knew she tended to enable those behaviors, with their whole days in bed together.

She bit her lip, thinking of the weekend ahead. If she was going to go back home alone, her family would ask her why she hadn’t tried finding someone to date. _She_ didn’t care about that shit – she didn’t think a woman was defined by those specific milestones of marriage and starting a family, but her family definitely cared. Her brother and sister were both married, both of them parents, both of them promoted in their career every couple years.

Darcy was still a lowly research assistant, unmarried, childless and unrefined. She remembered her sister Hannah’s bags of Adderall she’d stash in her beanie babies as a teenager. She remembered her brother Eli’s ass tattoo he got when he went to Costa Rica five years ago before he met his wife. At least she was consistent. She wasn’t a hypocrite. Maybe expecting Bucky to be part of it was a little cruel, but he was her best friend. She didn’t want to go through this again.

She went to work the next morning having eaten the whole pizza she ordered last night, feeling sluggish. Jane picked up on her shift in mood, especially after Darcy slammed her palm down to staple a stack of papers together.

“Darce?”

“What.”

“You…?”

“I’m fine!” she snarled, and she immediately regretted the outburst, glancing at the ceiling and growling to herself, placing her head in her hands a moment later.

She heard Jane pull up a chair beside her, and her awkward throat-clearing. She wasn’t great at being an emotional support at the best of times. She was better at the practical stuff.

“I’m fine,” she said again, softer. She looked at Jane, who was fiddling with the whiteboard marker in her hand. “It’s just family bullshit. I asked Bucky if he’d come with me this weekend.”

“And he said no?” Jane asked, her tone hesitant.

Darcy rolled her eyes extravagantly, shrugging.

“He didn’t _say_ anything. He literally ran out of my apartment last night.”

They both went quiet and Darcy could sense Jane’s hesitancy still there. She watched as Jane tried to navigate her love life yet again, completely out of her element.

“Do you think… if you maybe…”

“Jesus Christ, Jane,” Darcy said, and she began to laugh, shaking her head. “Don’t hurt yourself. I swear I’m _fine_.”

The truth was, she had a crush on Bucky. That was the easiest part of their friendship, because sleeping with him always felt amazing. Her physical and emotional attraction to him was totally uncomplicated. It was when the rest of the world interrupted that, with its labels and expectations, that Darcy felt reluctant to broadcast exactly what Bucky made her feel.

It was her decision. She knew if she didn’t want this, she’d tell him to stop coming around. She’d tell him she needed space. She’d thought about it many times already, usually when her mom sent her a family friend’s number, or tried to shove her into the personal space of some eligible bachelor at a gathering. Thinking about pushing Bucky away so that she could have a real relationship always felt like the worse option.

-

“You gonna say somethin’?” Bucky muttered.

Sam’s eyes had gone wide as he told him everything – the day he and Darcy had together, her proposal, the way he hightailed out of there.

They were sitting in Bucky’s apartment because Sam came looking for him when he didn’t reply to his texts. Bucky hadn’t had the best night of sleep, which wasn’t new, but this was a different brand of insomnia – filled with Darcy’s flippant fake boyfriend remark. He went through every little moment they’d shared up until last night, and none of the memories seemed wrong or bad.

“Please say somethin’.”

“Her words were ‘fake boyfriend’?” Sam repeated, and Bucky nodded.

Sam let out a low breath, shaking his head.

“I… I’m sorry, man, but sometimes it’s just like that.”

Bucky didn’t want anything to do with this century’s dating scene if it was like this. He was hurt, but a part of him wasn’t all that surprised. Darcy was beautiful and smart and oftentimes he felt as though their time together was limited. He tried not to brood about it before but after last night, the insecurities were invading every action. He’d hardly moved from his couch all day when Sam came to find him.

“Doesn’t make it right,” Sam added. “It sucks.”

Bucky rubbed his eyes, sighing. “I feel like such a horse’s ass.”

He chuckled without mirth, glancing at the TV. He didn’t take in whatever was on, aware that Sam was watching him with mounting concern.

“Women don’t wait ‘til marriage anymore.”

“I know that,” Bucky snapped. “I didn’t think we were engaged or nothin’. Just thought she’d at least see me as her fella –”

“Did she ever ask if she was your girl?” Sam cut in, and Bucky glanced at him, frowning.

His heart sank. Of course she hadn’t. He would have remembered that. He’d have played the moment over and over in his head when he felt sad. Instead now all he thought of was Darcy’s high-five from yesterday, how platonic it made everything seem.

“No,” he mumbled. “Fuck. I’m so stupid.”

“Tell her how you feel, then,” Sam said, and Bucky chuckled again, shaking his head.

“Fuck, no. I can imagine how that’d go…”

“Then you’re just gonna avoid her, feeling sorry for yourself?” Sam said, and Bucky narrowed his eyes.

“You sound just like Steve, y’know that, right?”

“Good to know he’d agree with me,” Sam retorted. He gave Bucky a searching look. “When was the last time you washed your hair, anyway?”

Bucky scratched his beard. “The… other day. What’s your point?”

“And when you were with Lewis yesterday, were you wearing that outfit you got on? Your sweatpants with the broken drawstring?”

Bucky sat deeper into the couch, crossing his arms.

“It’s not just self-care, man,” Sam said, and Bucky felt the urge to roll his eyes. “It’s about self-respect. And she needs that from you, I think.”

“Why would she need me to -?”

“You’re not trying when you’re with her.”

Bucky’s lips parted at this accusation. He knew he tried to make Darcy feel good whenever he was with her – he could pledge with his hand to his icy heart that he was considerate of Darcy’s needs, at least in the physical sense.

Sam’s voice dropped to something softer, gentle almost.

“Maybe she’s under the impression that you don’t care about her, since you don’t try.”

Bucky closed his eyes for a second, thinking of the first date they went on, the non-date of coffee and how she kept telling him he didn’t have to do it.

“I’m fuckin’ it up,” he whispered, more to himself than Sam.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, a little.”

-

Darcy was roused from her sleep, rubbing her eyes as she wandered out to answer her front door. She knew already who it was, and she wasn’t sure if she could take more of Bucky’s hot and cold treatment.

She opened the door, readying herself to scold him, but the second she lay eyes on him, she could see he was contrite, his hands in the back pockets of his jeans.

“Bucky –”

“I wanna go with you,” he blurted, and she let her hand drop from the door, her eyes widening. “To the dinner. Meet your family. I wanna do that.”

She blinked. “Uh, okay.”

“For you,” he added. “I wanna do that for you.”

She felt her stomach flip and she dropped her gaze, nodding vaguely. She stepped aside and he moved through the doorway. She was still trying to catch up, her brain a little fuzzy from sleep, so when Bucky turned to press her into the wall she felt her heart in her throat.

“Bucky –”

He cut her off with a kiss, lifting her with ease, their heads moving together with the fluency of trained dancers – because she knew the dance well of a Bucky Barnes kiss, though it still caught her be surprise every time. Its intensity never failed to thrill her as she was pinned by his broad body, his masculine power effortless, beautiful in its simplicity.

His hand went to cup the back of her head and Darcy’s mouth was conquered again and again, the heat swirling in her guts, and she felt herself growing wetter by the second.

He unexpectedly pulled back with a smacking of their lips, Darcy’s panting breath on his wet mouth as his eyes searched her face.

“You want me to stop?”

“Fuck, no,” she whispered.

“Good,” he replied, and she was surprised by it – he tended to go quiet when he was caught up in it, and she expected him to rip her away from the wall to carry her down to her bedroom.

He was asserting himself more without being prompted, which caused a thrill to run through Darcy.

He pressed a kiss to her neck, her feet settling back down on the floor as he maneuvered himself closer, slotting between her thighs as he made his descent. He kissed her neck as his hands found the waistband of her pajama shorts, tugging them down.

“I wanna –” he panted, and Darcy nodded.

He knelt in front of her, pressing a kiss to her mound, the sensation unexpected but delightful, and she moaned, her fingers twining in his long hair, his big hands on her thighs and pushing her legs further apart.

He made a sound at the first swipe of his tongue as Darcy gasped.

All she could do was feel Bucky, in her and all around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sam:** you don't look after yourself and you dress like shit  
**Bucky:** I know, but hey!
> 
> Edit: Originally the Costa Rica story was three years old. I changed Eli's marriage to be longer than 3 years for narrative purposes. 
> 
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idiots, you say? In love, you say?

She played with his hair. Darcy had a habit of doing that. She knew he liked it, calmed him, even. She couldn’t stop this feeling rising inside her, that it felt right for him to be lying in her arms.

He didn’t stay over usually. His sleep was sporadic, sometimes his nightmares grew violent, though from what she could remember he hadn’t had those types of night terrors for a while.

“You wanna stay?” she murmured, and he made a vague grunt against her neck, and he made no move to leave her bed.

She wanted to be a good friend, offer him her bed to share, but she knew he might want the space. He was bad at asking for things outright, but he’d just shown her that he cared about her, too. Not that she doubted it, but she was still a little taken aback.

She shifted a little, feeling the ache between her legs. Bucky’s lips brushed her neck.

“If I stay…”

“What?”

He paused for a few seconds before speaking again. “If I stay, you better not steal the blankets.”

“That was one time,” she mumbled, and she felt his chest rumble with a low chuckle.

When they went quiet again she heard him take a deep breath and let it go. She pressed her lips to his head, smelling the sweet scent of his natural oils in his hair. She loved that smell. Craved it sometimes when she didn’t mean to.

“Go to sleep, Buck,” she whispered, feeling his eyelashes flutter. “Your worries will be there in the morning. Just let them go for a little while.”

She felt him go still, and she waited, petting his hair, until she heard his steady breaths as he nodded off.

-

“We’re going,” Darcy said.

It was the first thing she said to Jane all morning but her boss glanced up from her paper, her eyebrows raised.

“Really? What happened?”

“He came by last night,” Darcy said, and she couldn’t keep the smile from her face, shrugging. “He said he wanted to go. For me. He said, _for me_.”

Jane grinned. “Oh, my God, he’s in love with you.”

Darcy felt her face flush. “What? No. He’s – he’s my friend. We’re fu- _friends_ with benefits. We screw around and get pizza. Forget what I said. He’s just decent. His generation was all about holding open doors and –”

She cut herself off abruptly, waving a hand.

“Jane, wipe that smile off your face. It’s not like that. He’s being kind.”

She hated how it sounded. Why did she even care what Jane thought of it? Her boss tilted her head, her mouth falling open.

“Is that what you think it is? He’s sleeping with you to be… kind to you?”

Darcy shook her head, looking away from her. “I don’t want to keep talking about this.”

A couple hours later, she felt her phone begin to buzz in her pocket and took it out, seeing the display was her photo with her mother Yvette flashing up. She unlocked it and put her phone to her ear, getting up from her desk.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hey, hon,” Yvette said, and she sounded way more excited than the last time they spoke.

“You talked to Hannah.”

“She said you were planning on bringing someone so I had to confirm, you know me….”

“He’s really great. I don’t want you knowing too much before we get there,” Darcy said, rubbing her eyes.

In all honesty, she hadn’t figured out how to talk about Bucky. Where did one begin with that story? What did she leave out? Would he even want to be referred to as ‘Bucky’ and not ‘James’?

“We’re switching things up.”

“Why?” Darcy said, feeling her stomach drop. “What happened? Eli’s free, right?”

“Yeah,” Yvette replied. “Except he’s bringing the girls, Ellen’s eating for five – I mean, not literally, but we are gonna do a big weekend. Not just the dinner on Saturday.”

“Big… weekend,” Darcy repeated, trying to keep her tone neutral. “So, overnight?”

“Well, why not?”

_Because I don’t want to give you the chance to scare Bucky shitless_, she thought.

“It’s fine. I can make the time,” Darcy babbled. “Jane won’t mind.”

She hated that she wasn’t more honest and said that she didn’t want to stay that long.

When Darcy hung up, she groaned, leaning down to press her forehead onto a bench surface. She heard Jane sit up in her chair.

“You good?”

“Yeah,” she replied, giving a thumbs-up without looking Jane’s way. “Just… fine. I’m fine.”

That seemed to be a running theme.

-

Bucky answered his door after hearing someone hammering on it when he was sitting on the couch on Thursday afternoon.

Darcy burst into his apartment, her eyes wide and looking around, her arms waving about.

“Change of itinerary. You’re meeting my extended family, which means we need a better plan. We need the best plan. We need –”

“Nice to see you, too, sweetheart,” he muttered. “You wanna come in?”

She whirled around, glaring at him.

“I don’t need this from you. I am going to go insane –”

“_Go_ insane?” he repeated, and she bit her lip to stop herself from smirking.

“No,” she said, pointing at him. “You have no idea what you’ve signed up for. You’re gonna sue me for mental exhaustion. If the dinner doesn’t turn into a mass murder suicide.”

Bucky walked with her down the hallway to the living room and flopped down on the couch while Darcy remained standing. Her eyes were still wide.

“What’s the plan, then?” he asked.

“We need a coordinated… attack,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “I can’t stop thinking about the fact that my sister-in-law’s gonna be there.”

“Is that the one who…?” Bucky began, his eyebrows lifting.

“The one who convinced Eli to not speak to me for two whole years?” she said, nodding. “Oh, _yeah_.”

Bucky’s face fell.

Those two years were hell for her. He heard about it in bits and pieces over the last several months. Darcy used to be incredibly close to her niece Annie, Eli’s eldest kid.

“I dunno,” she said, her voice a little softer. “But we should talk about what we’re meant to tell everyone. Like, how we met and stuff like that.”

“Work,” he said, shrugging. “We met at work.”

She moved to slip into the space beside him, her eyes on the TV. He was in the middle of watching _Sullivan’s Travels_.

“How long have we been dating?” she murmured, and he looked at her, seeing she was watching him with her chin resting in her hand. “I wanna know the timeline.”

“Six months?” he said, and she tilted her head, frowning.

“Yeah, okay,” she murmured. “Do we tell them who you are?”

Bucky looked away, down at his hands in his lap.

He remembered the first time he had a panic attack in her presence, very early on in their friendship. He recalled Darcy’s hands on either side of his face as he backed into the wall in the hallway. It came out of nowhere, the feeling of being shoved down and strapped to the chair –

At the time, he couldn’t hear Darcy so well. She kept stroking his face, her eyes wide. He hated scaring her, but he was scared, too. He couldn’t stop that.

“I don’t think it’s somethin’ you can avoid,” he muttered. “Maybe give them the abridged version.”

“Right, so,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Howling Commandos. POW.”

He knew that’s what he technically was, a prisoner-of-war for decades, but it still felt like someone else’s story. He felt Darcy’s eyes on him. He thought of the conversation he had with Sam.

_You’re not trying when you’re with her._

“I’ll talk about Steve a lot,” he murmured, and Darcy’s brows lifted.

“Okay,” she said. She bit her lip. “You don’t have to –”

“I said I’d go,” he said. “I want to.”

There was a beat, the movie filling the silence. He felt her move in her seat, her body shifting closer. He lifted his arm on instinct, wrapping it around her shoulders to pull her closer.

-

Darcy spent the next day thinking of all the ways the weekend could go wrong. She packed up her desk at the end of the Friday, the dread heavy in her guts.

Jane squeezed her shoulder, for once leaving before her. Darcy sat at her empty desk staring at the sun beginning to set through the floor to ceiling windows.

“Hey.”

She turned her head toward the familiar voice, her eyes bulging at what she saw.

“Oh, my God,” she said, putting her hand to her mouth. “You…”

It was Bucky. She knew it had to be him – but he resembled a version Darcy had only seen in photographs in museums and history books.

She felt her whole body respond to him as he walked over, rubbing the back of his head, his jacket under his other arm.

She knew then what it was – it was her ability to see all of him at once. He’d cut his hair and shortened his beard. She could see his big blue eyes and perfect cheekbones.

“You look like a fucking supermodel,” she blurted, feeling her cheeks burn. “How – how do I – how…?”

She had to look away, her eyes still wide.

“It’s like trying to stare into the sun.”

“You alright, sweetheart?”

She began to laugh, a wounded sort of sound ebbing from her mouth. She still felt powerless, glancing at him for a second to see his eyes on her, a little shy smile on his face.

“Don’t… say that word around me looking like that, I won’t be able to control myself.”

“Okay,” he replied. “Thought you could use a drink before tomorrow.”

Darcy laughed again. “Alright.”

She knew she couldn't keep her hands to herself even if her life depended on it. Within the hour, she was on her knees with his hand in her hair, licking up the underside of his cock as he sat on her couch, moaning at the eager strokes of her tongue. 

“Jesus, Darcy…”

She took him to the back of her throat a moment later, and she didn't stop working him over with greedy sucks until he came, breathing her name as he panted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

_And the time you gave me_   
_Is all I have, is all I'm left with_   
_Is all I am_

\- **"Maybe You Know" by Holy Holy**

Darcy woke to the smell of coffee and she groaned, trying to bury herself further into her pillow, wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

She remembered what day it was and rolled over, squinting at the sight of Bucky sitting on her bed, a cup of coffee in his cybernetic hand.

She frowned again, rubbing her eyes.

“Thought I set my alarm –”

“You did, you slept through it by a few minutes,” he said, pushing the coffee toward her.

She took it, sipping. He’d already dressed. She thought of last night, her possessiveness toward him that she didn’t realize she was capable of. He kept touching his hair as if he was remembering every time what he’d cut it all off.

Darcy sipped some more coffee, settling back against the pillow, sighing.

“We don’t have to go,” he said. “You can call them up, say somethin’ happened. You’re sick, or maybe Jane needed you –”

“It’s so tempting,” she admitted.

They stared at his bare shoulder for what felt like a long time, Bucky’s eyes on his hands resting in his lap. He seemed distracted, too.

“To stay in bed all weekend,” she murmured, and his eyes met hers, the heat returning from last night. “Blow off my whole family to… blow you.”

She felt her cheeks flush and Bucky ducked his head, laughing. She knew most if not all other straight women would have the same idea.

“I miss them,” she murmured. “So we’ll go.”

She drank the rest of her coffee in three steady gulps, putting the empty mug down on her bedside table before pulling back the sheets to get out of bed.

She showered and dressed, her stomach twisting with nerves as she tried to pull herself together. She put concealer under her eyes to make herself look more awake, wandering back into her bedroom to find her boots.

“We need to bring somethin’?” Bucky murmured, and Darcy squeezed her eyes shut.

“Fuck. Yeah. We might stop at –”

“Cause I already got somethin’,” he interrupted, and she felt her eyes widen. “It’s these… flowers. They’re at my place. I can meet you downstairs when we get the car.”

“Yeah,” Darcy murmured, not sure what to say. “Uh, thank you.”

“No problem.”

He walked out of her apartment and Darcy stared after him.

-

He didn’t recognize the man in the mirror. At least, he didn’t see him as himself. He knew it was him. He moved when Bucky moved.

He knew he’d feel different. Even if he somehow wasn’t emotionally affected, he’s still be touching his shortened hair reflexively, aware of the absence.

He wasn’t like Steve. He could see the lines on his face. He’d aged on and off over the years. Or maybe it was just what he’d been through that made him look different. He had a photograph he checked when he’d finished cutting his hair. His eyes were brighter. Now they looked dead.

Now he was confronted with the truth as he took the elevator down to the basement parking lot. He could make out the blurred shape of him in the semi-reflective surface of the walls surrounding him.

He couldn’t hide. He didn’t want to regret the change, simply because he’d memorized everything Sam said about self-respect.

He just thought he’d feel better. Stronger.

He looked down at the poinsettias in the pot under his arm. The elevator finally stopped and he walked out, seeing Darcy standing at the kiosk with her suitcase beside her. She had her back to him, picking up a pen to sign a clipboard she was handed.

“Hey,” she said, glancing over her shoulder. Her eyes fell to the flowers and she burst into a smile. “My mom is going to _love_ you.”

-

Darcy grabbed the keys and they walked toward the parked cars in a row, pressing the button to unlock silver Kia Sorento.

The trunk opened when she pressed another button and she glanced at the duffel bag Bucky lifted to toss in.

“How many books did you bring?” she asked, and he shot her a look.

“Three.”

Bucky Barnes brought three fucking books for one weekend. Darcy couldn’t explain why that was so unbearably adorable to her but it was, and she smiled at him teasingly.

“You drivin’?” he said, to change the subject. “You got health insurance, right?”

Darcy opened the front door and slipped inside, Bucky doing the same on the passenger’s side. She put the key in the ignition and pulled her seatbelt on.

“For that, I’m gonna pick all your least favourite music,” she murmured. She set up the GPS, the navigator indicating their trip time to be about two and a half hours.

She kept cycling through the nervousness, making jokes, telling Bucky what she could about her family so he’d have a decent primer.

“Benji is obsessed with dinosaurs,” Darcy said. “He will ask you within ten seconds which one is your favourite. There is a correct answer.”

“T-Rex?” Bucky guessed, and she smiled.

“Bingo.”

She felt herself begin to shake a little when they took the final exit to Albany. From then on, it was only another fifteen minutes to go. She tried hide it, but Bucky wasn’t easily fooled.

“We can still bail,” he said, and she forced a smile, shaking her head.

“No, come on. I’ll get some liquor into me when we get there and I’ll be fine,” she said. She shrugged. “I’d be shitting myself if I were you. You’re about to get an Yvette Lewis-style grilling.”

It was surreal, turning down a street to see her childhood neighborhood all around her. She could see Bucky in the corner of her eye looking out his window, taking in the surroundings. There were Christmas decorations everywhere, people shovelling their driveways, families trudging through the snow. It looked like a _Hallmark _movie.

She felt the urge to tell Bucky this wasn’t her life. She figured he had to know that already since they’d been friends for a better part of a year.

She kept looking at him every few seconds to gauge his reactions. She turned down the final street and took a few deep breaths. She parked the car outside the old colonial, listening out for signs of life. She spotted Eli’s car, and Hannah’s further down the street.

The engine idled as she felt Bucky’s eyes on her. She licked her lips.

“If this shit goes south, I’m sorry,” she mumbled, taking her keys out of the ignition. “I’m apologizing in advance. Don’t hate me.”

She played it off as nothing but she meant every word. She unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the car. When they slammed both their doors Darcy heard someone yell out to her.

“Auntie!”

She turned, seeing her niece Annie racing down, her eyes wide.

“Oh, my God –”

She nearly toppled over from the force of the hug, feeling her chest tighten. She looked down at the little blonde mop of hair and clung her tighter.

“You’re so big. When the hell did that happen? Aren’t you supposed to be a baby, still?”

She hated being reminded of the time she spent apart from Eli and his family. It wasn’t by her own choice. She remembered the phone call from her brother after she got blackout drunk the night before his Masters graduation.

Ellen, Eli’s wife, was the one who found her throwing up in the bushes before the ceremony. She could still remember the shame that spurred on more puking.

“I’m four.”

“Four?” Darcy repeated.

She cupped Annie’s round little face.

“You’re gonna be a big sister soon, huh?”

Annie nodded, her eyes moving over to Bucky who was standing with the poinsettias under his arm. Her niece grinned.

“Hey! There she is.”

Darcy saw Eli walking down from the front door, beer in hand. She expected Bucky to find the similarities between them that most people saw.

He was a slightly fatter, hairier version of her. He looked cuddly and fun with his boyish grin as he wandered down to them, his eyes resting on Bucky.

“Holy shit,” he said. “You’re dating Bucky Barnes?”

“Oh, God,” Darcy said, shaking her head. “Do not make this any weirder than it has to be, Eli…”

He ignored her, offering his hand to Bucky, who took it with a steady shake.

“Thank you. Thank you for your service.”

Darcy met Bucky’s eye, trying to see if he was about to fold in on himself. She’d seen it happen before, when a SHIELD agent saluted him once in the Tower lobby. He practically ran from it.

“Eli,” Darcy hissed.

“It’s fine,” Bucky murmured. “Nice to meet you. It’s Eli, right?”

Eli’s face lit up. “Yeah, man. She tell you much about us?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, glancing at Darcy for a few seconds then back to her brother.

Darcy looked down at Annie, hearing Eli murmur to Bucky in a low voice:

_“Run away while you still can.”_

Darcy chose to ignore that, leaning down to pick up Annie, straining a little as she hitched her onto her hip. She pushed the hair out of her niece’s eyes, moving to squeeze past the two men.

“Hello?” she called out, walking up to the front door. “The cavalry’s here.”

-

“He’s… I mean, holy shit,” Hannah said, her eyes wide, her chardonnay lifted to her lips.

She stood with Darcy in the kitchen, their mother passing them vegetables to peel and slice. Darcy felt a burst of something – anxiety – instead of what she knew Hannah expected her to feel, which was pride.

They’d only been their half an hour and she could already see that she owed Bucky so much for putting himself through this. Everyone had openly stared at him when they stepped inside the living room. He was currently sitting in an armchair beside her father. 

Yvette had given him a kiss and hug for the poinsettias. Ellen was the only one who hadn’t simpered over him.

“Thanks,” Darcy muttered. She picked up a potato and began to peel it. “I think.”

“Seriously, does he have a brother?” Hannah said, and Darcy snorted. “I’m married, hell, I’d even ask for Mom –”

“He doesn’t have any brothers, I’d imagine,” Yvette murmured. “Poor thing. Can’t imagine what that’d be like, being in this crazy new world.”

Darcy waited for the other shoe to drop.

“Since he’s…. from an older generation,” she added. She nudged Darcy’s arm with her elbow. “Surprised he hasn’t asked you to marry him yet.”

There it was.

“Mom,” Darcy whispered, shaking her head. “You’ll scare him.”

Hannah giggled into her wine, placing the glass back down to pick up the knife she’d been neglecting.

There was a thundering of footsteps and Darcy felt a small body collide with her back and she jolted.

“Hey!”

“Benji, we talked about personal space, honey,” Hannah chided.

Darcy looked down at her nephew, seeing the mischievous glint in his eye. She leaned down to kiss his forehead.

“Hey, butthead. You meet Bucky yet?”

“Your boyfriend?” he said, sounding unimpressed. “Yeah. Uncle Eli’s asking him about the war.”

“Oh, God,” Darcy hissed, and she dropped the peeler in the sink, taking Benji’s hand in hers to tug him along.

She walked out of the kitchen, almost running into Ellen on the way through. It was easy enough to do with her sister-in-law’s pregnant belly jutting out.

“Need help in the kitchen?” Ellen asked, her smile wide and fake.

Darcy hated her. She felt Benji squeeze her hand. The kid was smart – he got all that from his mother.

“I thought I’d take a break.”

“You never did like cooking,” Ellen said, shrugging. “I can do it.”

Darcy let her pass, sure that Ellen would joke about how even being pregnant didn’t stop her from being a homemaker. She watched her leave, before looking down at Benji.

He scrunched his nose after her and Darcy bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. She walked on, hearing the men’s voices from the living room. Eli, Hannah’s husband Mark, Darcy’s father Ted and Bucky all sat in a row.

Benji let go of her hand and raced over to the couch, flopping down on the floor beside Annie, who was currently occupied with a coloring book Darcy brought.

Darcy hovered, looking at her dad.

“Drinks okay?”

“Sit down, honey.”

“I’m cool. Just thought I’d check in.”

Ted Lewis glanced at Bucky. “You worried we’re giving him the third degree?”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Darcy said.

They were watching the TV, the sound filling the pause as Darcy stayed standing, unsure of what to do or say.

She thought about what Ellen might have said or done when she was out in the kitchen earlier. She wished there was some way for her to ask Bucky without raising any suspicions.

“Anyone give him the house tour?” she asked, and she barely paused for an answer. “Awesome. I’ll do that.”

She held out her hand to Bucky and he got up, not before Ted clapped him on the back. Darcy took Bucky’s hand and whisked him out of there, pulling him up the stairs.

“You okay?” he murmured.

“What’d they say to you?” she whispered.

She saw Ellen stick her head out of the kitchen and wave at them. Darcy gave a vague smile back, neither of them saying a word until they were out of earshot on the landing. Bucky paused at the framed photograph of Darcy at her senior prom.

“Don’t look at that.”

-

Darcy’s palm slapped over the frame photograph he was staring at, their eyes meeting.

She grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into a bedroom. He glanced around, seeing old posters, a twin bed against a wall with a butterfly-patterned bedspread. He knew it had to be her childhood bedroom. He could help himself – he wanted to remember every detail.

Her family were friendly. They were no different to Darcy in that sense, but Bucky could sense a narrative he was constantly hovering above in their presence. There seemed to be a lack of honesty, a superficiality to everything.

Her parents were happy to see him, grinning from ear to ear. He tried to remember meeting other girls’ parents way back but everything was fuzzy at best. He remembered being more confident. Now, all he’d done was take a beer that was handed to him and talk about how the traffic was easy.

“This your room?”

“Don’t hold it against me,” she said.

His eyes landed on a poster of an actor he was certain was at least in his forties nowadays. The poster itself looked perfectly preserved.

“That’s Leo. We’ll always have my bedroom,” she said in pseudo-wistfulness. “Don’t be jealous.”

He saw his duffel bag on the floor by her bed and his eyebrows rose.

“I’m… meant to be sleeping in here?”

“Yeah,” she replied, tilting her head. “Is that a problem?”

He realized she thought he was turning her down. Not that he expected to have sex with her that weekend…

“No, just – I –”

She burst into a smile, winking at him.

“You’re fuckin’ with me,” he murmured, and she nodded.

Her smile began to fade, her face slackening. 

"I just needed... some time. Some time to breathe," she whispered.

She sat down on the bed and he followed her, sitting beside her and listening to the TV sounds from downstairs, the talking from the kitchen. Bucky leaned back, until he rested against the wall.

"This is a _tiny_ fuckin' bed," he whispered, and Darcy burst out laughing once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 6

_What's your motive with me baby_  
_'Cause I don't trust nobody lately_  
\- **"FACE" by Brockhampton**

  
  
Sitting there with Bucky, feeling her mouth stretch into a smile, she was okay. She felt safe, in this weird little time capsule of her childhood bedroom.

They fell silent and it hit her then, that they’d made it this far already and the world hadn’t imploded. It hadn’t even been an hour, she reminded herself, but she was trying to hold onto that optimism. They’d made it this far.

His eyes were resting on her hand next to his on the bedspread and she thought of grabbing hold of him, pulling him into a kiss. She imagine telling him:

“You make me happy. You make me feel safe.”

She didn’t, only saw him think something over as he glanced at their hands next to one another before he put it away again, touching his shorn hair.

There was a knock on the door and Darcy sat up a little straighter, hearing Yvette call:

“Knock-knock.”

She opened the door and peered in, smiling at them.

“Knock-knock –”

“Mom, you don’t have to say _knock-knock_ as you’re knocking,” Darcy murmured, and Yvette shook her head at her.

“Thought I’d come get you. Lunch is ready,” Yvette said, looking at Bucky. “Is my daughter being a good hostess?”

“She’s perfect, ma’am,” Bucky replied and Darcy felt a twinge of something at his choice of words.

Maybe it was longing, because she knew he didn’t mean it. She didn’t like that her brain automatically discounted his manners as fake. He was just being polite to her mom and she was making it about her again, as always.

She got up from her bed, moving out the door to the hallway, hearing her mom asking Bucky about whether he had allergies when they moved down the stairs. Ted managed to hear the question as they weaved through to the dining room.

“Men from his time didn’t have allergies,” he said, and Darcy glanced toward the ceiling, trying her best not to roll her eyes.

The rest of the family was already moving to sit down, or grabbing plates and bowls of food from the kitchen. Darcy saw Mark looking at her, hovering around a corner of the long table.

“Well, Dad, at least he has the decency to not say _back in my day_ at any chance he gets,” she muttered, and Mark’s lips curled in a smirk.

Hannah came through with a potato salad and plonked it down, miming her husband sit down. Darcy thought about going into the kitchen but kept her eye out for Bucky, who was standing near Eli.

“Sorry, man,” Eli murmured, hitting his arm playfully. “I’ll get outta your way to sit next to Dee-Dee.”

Bucky’s eyes met Darcy’s and she blinked twice. He hadn’t heard that particular nickname before.

“Sure,” he murmured, his eyes flashing with mirth. “I’ll sit next to… Dee-Dee.”

Eli snickered and Darcy shot him a look of mild irritation.

“I have _stories _to tell you about Dee-Dee,” her brother went on, and Darcy felt her face flush.

Darcy let out a loud laugh to cover her obvious nerves, reaching over to grab Bucky by his sleeve and push him toward the place at the furthest right space of the dining table, the door to the hallway right behind him.

“Sit here,” she said, and Bucky went still, waiting for her to pull out her chair before he copied her and sat down.

Eli’s eyebrows were raised as he sat down opposite them.

“Put him there for a quick exit?” he asked, and Darcy narrowed her eyes at him.

That was exactly why she chose that place for Bucky. It was in case he needed to get out of there fast. He was doing well so far, but she never knew for sure, and neither did he. He grumbled about it sometimes, because it made him self-conscious. He hated that he wasn’t able to predict his panic attacks. Sure, there were some things that triggered him, but they also came out of nowhere without explanation.

The fact that Eli knew he was a war vet but seemed to forget about the significant health issues that came with the territory made Darcy want to shake him. It was just like Eli to be insensitive. He never stopped to think about anything he said.

“Yeah,” she said, shrugging a shoulder.

The subject was dropped as everyone began to squeeze in, Ted at the head of the table and Yvette on the other end. Darcy was directly opposite to Ellen and Annie, so she winked at her niece when she sat down. They all began piling food onto their plates and Darcy waited for the questions to begin rolling in. The atmosphere of the room was charged with curiosity.

“So… how’d you two meet?” Eli asked, and Darcy glanced at Bucky, seeing his beer was at his lips.

“Uh… do you wanna tell or –?” she began, and Bucky’s eyes widened a fraction and she looked at Eli, feeling several sets of eyes focused on her. “Work. I mean, you guys know I know… certain… people…”

“Thor?” Benji asked. “You can say his name.”

“Yes, but we don’t spread that information around,” Ellen added, and Benji shot her a confused look. “It’s not polite to drop names.”

“I do know Thor, though, Ellen,” Darcy said, seeing Ellen’s face change for a millisecond like it always did when she spoke around her sister-in-law.

It was as if Ellen was constantly pulling away from what she truly felt, masking it with her condescension and fake smiles.

“He’s my best friend’s partner. He’s practically a brother to me,” she added, and she felt something shift again, because of what might have been implied. She picked up her fork and shoved a piece of lettuce into her mouth and chewed it rapidly.

There was an awkward pause, and then Yvette spoke up:

“So… who made the first move?”

Darcy thought of their fake story, that he saw her in the mess hall and made a b-line toward her. It sounded plausible to anyone who wasn’t particularly close to Bucky. He never hung around the mess hall. He took all his meals upstairs in his place or Darcy’s. Occasionally he’d duck out into the city, but that wasn’t the same as being in the cafeteria line and sitting at one of the table with a bunch of SHIELD employees.

“He, uh… saw me from across the mess hall and came over,” Darcy murmured to her plate, and she glanced at Bucky beside her. “He… wanted to get to know me.”

She hated how this lie made her feel, because it was completely untrue. She and Bucky spoke together for the first time in the elevator, and he seemed overwhelmed by her flirting. Darcy had the general philosophy of making passes whenever possible because she had so little to lose. Often enough, people took it as some kind of ironic sidekick-style commentary, but he went to a party for her soon after, and she knew it was a Big Deal.

“That true, man?” Eli said, and Darcy tilted her head.

Really? Her own brother wasn’t buying that a guy as attractive as Bucky decided he wanted her number? She frowned extravagantly and Bucky chuckled.

“Yeah, I… couldn’t help myself.”

Yvette put her hand on her heart and Hannah snorted into her wine, seeming unable to control herself.

Ellen popped a cherry tomato into her mouth, looking right at Bucky.

“What took you so long to brag about this one?” Eli said, and Darcy detected his wife had the same question on her mind, assessing Bucky from across the table.

“I’m not into…”

“Monogamy?” Ellen offered, and Hannah giggled again.

“You can say that again…” Ted muttered, and Darcy glared at her father. “What? I’m kidding, hon. You _know_ I’m kidding…”

“She was hard to tie down,” Bucky said, and everyone’s attention was on him, including Benji and even Annie, who was working on one piece of chicken very slowly, chewing with her mouth open.

Bucky cleared his throat, pressing his gloved left hand to his lips for a second.

“She… she had several other guys trying to get her attention.”

That was a blatant lie, but Darcy appreciated it. It made her sound in-demand. She ducked her head, pretending to be flattered.

“So why you?” Ellen asked.

“Have you _seen_ him?” Hannah muttered, and Darcy watched Bucky blush. “Christ, I’m surprised you didn’t go into an early labor, Ellie.”

Darcy couldn’t help laughing at that, finally feeling some smugness. She’d managed to rope this guy in somehow, and Ellen didn’t understand it.

“Why do you wear a glove?” Benji cut in, and Hannah’s face changed, shaking her head at him.

“No, sweetie, that’s private…”

“What? He’s only wearing one. Where’s his other one? Did he lose it?”

Darcy saw Bucky cycle through several emotions and she touched his thigh with her hand, looking down the table at her nephew.

“It’s okay, he didn’t lose his other glove,” she said, and Hannah still looked mortified. “He’s got a prosthesis.”

“What’s that?” Benji asked, not missing a beat.

“It’s fake,” Ellen said, and Darcy didn’t bother disguising her glare toward her sister-in-law.

“It’s a real arm, it’s just _made_,” she corrected, squeezing his leg gently, assuring him. “A prosthesis means he uses it in place for the arm he used to have.”

“What happened to your arm?”

“Christ,” Hannah whispered.

Mark shot Darcy an apologetic look but she shook her head.

“Listen, it’s a good question, it’s just a complicated… answer,” she murmured. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Benji, please,” Hannah said, leaning over to touch her son’s hand. “Eat your lunch.”

The silence that fell over the table was heavy and Darcy kept her hand on Bucky’s thigh, watching him pick at his food, her own plate untouched.

“Maybe we could have better prepared the children if we knew Bucky was coming,” Ellen murmured.

Eli opened his mouth to jump in but Darcy was faster.

“_Prepare _the children?” she repeated.

Ellen was unfazed by her swift tone, chewing her food as Darcy stared at her. Yvette broke through the exchange by jumping up from her seat, her hands in the air.

“I forgot the music…”

She exited, Ted looking like he’d wished he’d thought of it, too. Darcy was trying her best not to openly spit venom across the table. A pop rendition of _Santa Baby_ cut through as Darcy launched:

“I didn’t think Bucky’s disability was worth the _warning_, Ellen.”

She felt Bucky shift under her touch and she glanced at him, seeing his eyebrows had hiked.

“Disability?” he repeated, and her heart sank.

“No, it’s – yes, you have a disability, you have one arm.”

“He’s got two arms,” Benji cut in.

“Right,” Darcy said, feeling her face burn. “Right. I knew that.”

“I meant for his sake, Darcy,” Ellen said, and she looked at Bucky with sympathy. “He’d have these kinds of questions to answer with Benji. He’s so _inquisitive_ at his age.”

She made it sound as if Darcy didn’t know her own nephew.

“I know –”

“I don’t like you implying that I’m ableist, either,” Ellen added, dropping a hand to touch her stomach, and Darcy grit her teeth. “It’s… distressing.”

_Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou – _

Darcy got up from her chair, her cutlery clattering. She took off toward the kitchen, giving the table a cursory glance.

“Anyone need a drink? Awesome…”

She stalked into the kitchen, seeing her mother there, still fiddling with the controls on the speakers that were blasting the music. Darcy wrenched open the fridge, glaring at the bottles of chardonnay before taking one out and pouring herself a glass.

She could hear the table had resumed conversation and she sighed, taking a few sips of wine before seeing Yvette staring at her, folding her arms.

“Darcy.”

“I’m going slow,” she mumbled. She felt a sob bubble up and she bit her lip. “Thanks for having my back out there, by the way.”

“Why do you instigate that?”

“Why do you always take her side?” she hissed back, hearing laughter from beyond.

“She’s got a lot on her plate,” Yvette said, which didn’t surprise Darcy in the slightest. It was her go-to excuse.

“So when I’m six months pregnant, I can assume you’ll always stick up for me?”

Yvette just shook her head at her, sighing. She picked up the bottle of chardonnay Darcy had took out and put it away. She looked at Darcy.

“Maybe this would have gone smoother if we were prepared,” she murmured.

Darcy took a gulp of wine, unblinking.

“But we don’t tend to have that from you, sure things like a date for Christmas. I am a little hurt that your father and I didn’t get to meet him before this.”

“Mom,” Darcy began, feeling her eyes sting. Yvette held up a hand.

“I know we’re just old uncool parents that live away from the city where all the excitement is, but we miss you all the time. I’ll stop now.”

Darcy could see the hurt in her eyes as she moved on, leaving her alone in the kitchen.

She drained her glass and filled it again, listening out as everyone chatted and ate without her. She could make out Bucky’s low murmur from time to time, and the laughter proceeding. He was probably making cute little jokes.

She felt awful. His _face_ when she said he was disabled –

Darcy passed a hand over her face, thinking about him separating from her when they went back to the city tomorrow, shutting her out the second he got the chance. She took out her phone and fired off a text to Jane, a simple Christmas tree emoji and the poop emoji to follow. Jane sent back a sad face and Darcy missed her terribly. She’d most likely go some rounds with Ellen in the street, never mind that she was in her third trimester…

She heard footsteps and laughter and the back door opening and closing, then more footfalls, this time Hannah walking into the kitchen, lips quirked.

“Don’t act like such a pariah,” she whispered, nudging her little sister. She opened the fridge to refill her glass and turned to Darcy, pouring her more wine. “You’ll wanna see this.”

“What?” Darcy muttered, sipping.

Hannah nodded toward the window overlooking the backyard and Darcy turned to look, seeing Bucky and Benji out in the snow, running around.

“Fuck me,” Hannah whispered, and Darcy burst out laughing. “Christ, my ovaries.”

Her sister shook her head, taking another sip of chardonnay. She glanced at Darcy, her eyes wider.

“How -?”

“God, don’t ask me that,” Darcy cut in, waving a hand.

“Like, did you do anal one time and he’s hooked, or -?”

Darcy snorted into her wine, unable to keep a straight face. She knew what Hannah was trying to figure out – how did a guy who was born a hundred years ago get involved with someone like Darcy? Especially when he looked like that?

“It’s not that,” she managed to reply. She fanned herself, wanting to keep laughing until she cried.

“But you’ve definitely had sex.”

“Oh, yeah,” Darcy said, with confidence. She loved that that wasn’t a lie.

“You… fucking bitch,” Hannah hissed, but she was laughing. “I’ll hate you forever for this, you realize.”

Darcy always thought Hannah’s attitude about her own life was a little off. She was the high-profile lawyer with the matching lawyer husband and adorable nine year-old son. She had two personal assistants. Two. Darcy was a glorified file monkey with a fuck buddy pretending to be her boyfriend for a weekend. The envy didn’t seem to match up.

“Shut up,” she retorted. “It’s not like he wouldn’t fuck you.”

“Really?” Hannah said, glancing at Bucky with a predatory glint in her eye. “What happened with his arm, anyway?”

Darcy felt her guts twist at the sudden change of subject. Hannah didn’t seem to read her shift in mood, too busy watching Bucky be pelted by a snowball.

“He… fell from a train,” Darcy said, and she immediately thought of the last nightmare he had in her presence, the way he woke with a yell.

Hannah sipped, her mind elsewhere.

“Well, he looks great now.”

“Yeah,” Darcy breathed, before clearing her throat. “Yeah, he’s doing a lot better.”

They watched Bucky and Benji in silence for several minutes, until Ellen wandered in with a stack of dirty dishes.

She put the dishes in the sink, looking at Darcy with her lips pressed together, almost convincing Darcy that she was contrite.

“Darcy…”

“It’s fine, Ellen,” she interrupted. “I’m sorry for being a cunt.”

She liked throwing her own obscenity into her sister-in-law’s face every so often, just to see her reaction. Hannah coughed loudly, undoubtedly to cover her laugh.

“You’re… forgiven,” Ellen said, her cheeks a little pinker. “We were going to watch a movie.”

Hannah’s eyebrows lifted. “If we’re watching _Die Hard_, I will leave.”

“Thought maybe _Home Alone_,” Ellen said, ignoring the threat.

Darcy glanced outside, seeing Bucky was standing still, looking toward them. He was rewarded with a snowball to the face and Darcy smiled, distracted.

“Darcy?”

“Yeah, I’ll bring them in.”

-

Darcy wandered out to retrieve Bucky and Benji. Her nephew came hurtling toward her, colliding with her as she laughed.

“Inside. Before you both turn blue.”

She sense Bucky watching them as he walked over and she lifted her chin, their eyes meeting.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, referring to earlier.

“It’s nothin',” he replied, and Benji looked at them both.

“Don’t kiss,” he said, sounding disgusted.

“Okay, we won’t,” Darcy said. “I promise.”

She felt her cheeks heat, then Bucky’s hand touched her lower back as they walked toward the back door to go back inside.

Hannah grabbed her arm on their way through, whispering so Benji couldn’t hear:

“I fucking hate you, you’re so cute together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "knock knock" is a John Mulaney reference, I tend to watch his specials back-to-back at least once every 48 hours or so to deal with daily life... 
> 
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ends sort of abruptly but I'm breaking this up into more reasonably-sized chapters.

_Well my bad, I guess I just pursued this shit_   
_While you chose to settle down to have some kids_   
_I mean, it's okay to fall in line, just don't look back_   
_That's a long-ass line that I'm not in_

\- **"1998 TRUMAN" by Brockhampton**

Bucky knew he had to get out of there.

He appreciated that he was sitting so close to the door. He didn’t have to stand and then ask anyone to push themselves in further or step out so he could exit the dining room.

He was starting to feel claustrophobic, and without Darcy there to anchor him, he was afraid of freaking out in front of her family. He didn’t want to be the reason she became embarrassed. He didn’t want her thinking he wasn’t strong enough to be there for her. Her comment earlier about his arm threw him off.

He knew she didn’t see his cybernetic limb as a fault of his, though he did. He hated it sometimes, simply because what happened when he fell from the train was irreversible. Having her name it as a disability felt like she was honing in on everything that made him different from the other men she could have brought home to her parents.

He’d been out of captivity for a year and he still struggled to accept the words that were used to label him. Yes, if you had to get technical about it, he had a physical disability, but it felt like it was his bruise to acknowledge and press on, not anyone else’s.

He should have been better prepared for the questions that would be asked. Ellen may have a point, in her own condescending way. Bucky didn’t appreciate how she spoke to Darcy like she knew less than her. She seemed self-important, and her husband Eli wasn’t helping things go smoother, either.

He saw Mark’s eyes follow Darcy out of the room and the met shared eye contact, an awkward moment passing between them. Hannah’s quiet husband was clearly attracted to his sister-in-law, smiling when Darcy said things that Bucky also found witty and cute. Mark blinked at Bucky a couple times before he looked back down at his plate.

“Does she do this at work?” Eli asked, and Bucky realized the question was aimed at him.

“What do you mean?”

“Act out? Make herself the center of attention?” Hannah added.

“I don’t…”

He wasn’t sure how to answer that, because it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t even slightly true of Darcy. She was the most understanding and accommodating person Bucky had ever met. All he could do was shake his head a little and Ted clapped him on the back a couple times.

“She just needs a little time alone,” Darcy’s father said with a little wink. “At least she managed to drag you back here.”

“Actually, I invited myself,” Bucky said, and Ellen’s eyes widened.

He didn’t like how surprised she was. It seemed obvious to him that Darcy had her pick of the litter and she somehow chose him, with his mountain of issues. The way everyone was acting around Darcy, he thought it was bizarre that they thought she’d be fine with that. There were clearly several narratives going on, and only one of them was being acknowledged, and whenever any of the others were close to being uncovered by the most honest of them all – Darcy and her nephew Benji – things seemed to disintegrate.

“Really?” Eli said, and Bucky nodded. “Huh.”

Benji was staring at him still and Bucky gave him a little smile. The boy threw down his fork and announced:

“We’re going outside.”

“Alright,” Hannah said, while everyone else laughed.

When he was in the yard with Benji, he could see Darcy and Hannah in the kitchen, laughing and drinking wine. At one moment, he was stuck looking at her for too long, and was rewarded with a snowball to the side of his face.

He heard Hannah whisper something to Darcy about how cute they were together and his stomach flipped. He wished it was real, this whole thing.

He wished he had the guts to tell her ‘I’m doing this all on purpose. I’m in love with you.’ Maybe after the weekend he’d pull her aside, tell her the truth. For now, he wrapped an arm around her waist as they walked into the living room, seeing everyone squeezed in together, Yvette’s lap full of photo albums.

“Oh, God,” Darcy said, shaking her head. “No, Mom. I forbid it.”

“What?” Bucky said, feeling himself smile, glancing down as they got closer.

A little girl sat with face paint in a blurry photograph, her face screwed up in a buck-toothed smile. He’d seen that smile many times over.

“Mom –”

“Let Bucky see,” Eli said. “It’s the rite of passage.”

Benji hit Bucky’s arm. “Are you gonna stand the whole time and block the TV?”

“Sorry, buddy,” he muttered, moving out of the way, taking one of the armchairs.

Darcy hovered, until Yvette gestured to Bucky.

“We’re all family. Sit.”

The only times Darcy ever sat on Bucky’s lap was to have sex. In this context it somehow felt far more vulnerable, her ass resting on his knee as she leaned forward to glance at the album Yvette had open.

There was a movie playing in the background as the photos were passed around. Bucky peered down at them as Darcy held them in her hands. The only ones who weren’t interested were Benji and Annie, both of them sitting on the floor watching the movie while the adults laughed and chatted.

Darcy had gone quiet and Bucky moved so his mouth was close to her ear.

“He gives looks like you do,” he murmured, and she turned her head slightly to meet his gaze.

“Who?”

“Benji,” he whispered.

Darcy smirked. “That’s not me. It’s my uncle. Jack. On my mother’s side.”

Bucky hadn’t heard of Jack before. He wasn’t sure if he should ask.

“He died,” she added, her smile fading. “About ten years ago.”

“M’sorry,” he murmured, rubbing her arm, and Darcy shrugged.

There was an odd silence that fell over the adults as Yvette picked up a photograph of Darcy with a young man Bucky didn’t recognize.

“Oh, boy,” he heard Ted murmur. “Forgot about that one.”

“Throw it out,” Darcy said, not looking up from a photograph she was holding.

Yvette tutted. “Why not keep it? You look so beautiful –”

“If it’s an ex I’m standing with, I’d rather you threw it out,” Darcy cut in.

She finally looked up. She gave a short sigh.

“Yeah, we don’t need photos of Ian in this house.”

“Why not cut him out?” Ellen asked, and Bucky felt Darcy’s whole body tense.

She took a second and shrugged. “Sure, or do that. Cut him out.”

They were touching on it, briefly, the time when Ellen forbid Eli to contact his sister. Darcy didn’t like talking about that time, and it was only in the last year that she as able to see him and Annie a couple times.

Bucky didn’t know how someone could do that to her.

Darcy held out her hand to her mother and Yvette handed her the picture. Bucky could see it was recent, within the last couple of years. She was wearing her beanie and glasses, her mouth wide in a grin. The man beside her had his arm around her. He seemed to have taken the photograph, his arm extended above them.

Darcy promptly tore it in two, right down the middle, and Bucky stared at the discarded man that landed on her lap.

“Ouch,” Eli murmured.

“You never liked Ian,” Darcy retorted. She picked up the half with Ian still on it, throwing it, or trying to, across to Eli.

“At least Bucky knows you’d be beside yourself if things didn’t work out,” Eli added, picking up Ian from the floor. “Look at how hard that was for you to do.”

“Whatever,” Darcy muttered. “I don’t have many photos with boyfriends, anyway.”

Bucky felt his guts twist. He remembered the last time she tried to take a photograph of him on her phone, and he’d covered his face for several seconds.

“Take one now,” he said, and she turned in his lap, looking down at him.

“Shut up. Really?”

“Yeah, why not?” he murmured, though he felt his cheeks flush.

She smiled, taking out her phone, lifting it up so they fit in the frame.

“You sure that’s in focus?” he murmured. “You don’t have to adjust it -?”

“It’s not like a camera with film, Grandpa,” she laughed.

“Okay, then snap away,” Bucky said.

They had an audience the whole time, and when Darcy put her phone away, Ellen said:

“Can’t tear that one up so easily.”

“Good,” Bucky replied, wrapping a hand around Darcy’s middle to pull her closer, and he pressed a kiss to the back of her neck.

-

Darcy felt it – the shift in Bucky, his mind made up. He was protecting her.

She knew he was looking after her already – with the poinsettias and him coming all this way with her in the first place. When she got up to help her mother with preparing dinner, their eyes met.

“Okay?” he murmured. It was barely a whisper and Darcy nodded.

She was about to walk into the kitchen with Ellen and Hannah. She knew it was a risk she couldn’t avoid. She just needed to keep her head down and not let Ellen get a rise out of her.

There was something else there, on his face. Something more he wasn’t saying and she frowned slightly.

“You getting more beers?” Eli cut in, and Darcy shot him a look. “Get me one.”

“Get your own,” she retorted, and Bucky chuckled.

She walked off, coming to stop beside Ellen as Yvette began handing out chores.

“Peel?” she said to Darcy, nodding at more potatoes she’d washed.

“I thought we peeled them all,” Hannah said. Darcy had lost count of her sister’s drinks, but she seemed to be doing fine. She’d polished off at least a whole bottle by herself.

Ellen seemed to have the same thought, her eyes dipping to Hannah’s wine glass she was refilling.

“Need more to roast,” Yvette said, smiling. She looked at Hannah. “Honey, we can start on some cookies, too. Maybe get Annie in here to help? That’d be fun –”

“What about Benji?” Darcy interrupted, and Yvette’s eyes met hers. “Why doesn’t he help, too?”

“I don’t see you asking Bucky to help in the kitchen,” Ellen said.

Darcy rolled her eyes, beginning to peel in the sink like before, this time handing Ellen the potatoes as she finished them.

“Or are you going to use the excuse that the Greatest Generation never baked cookies?” she added.

Darcy looked up from the potatoes, Ellen’s eyebrows quirked.

“You want him to come in here and try to ruin the cookies on purpose to make a point?” Darcy said. She pointed to Ellen’s belly. “He will be a hundred years older than Junior, almost to the day.”

“Is Bucky an Aquarius?” Hannah said. “That explains so much.”

“No. He’s a Pisces,” Darcy said, frowning at her sister. She glanced at Ellen’s stomach again. “I thought you were due in early March.”

“No,” she said, her tone distinctly light, as if she was trying to keep it that way. “I’m due in early February.”

“Then when’s the shower?”

There was a silence between the women, and Darcy dropped her peeler in the sink, watching the side of Ellen’s face.

“You already had it.”

“Yes,” Ellen said, taking a deep breath. “Yes, we did.”

Darcy wasn’t sure what she could say or do to make herself feel better in the moment. She picked up the peeler again, resuming her work. She could hear her mother and sister measuring out ingredients in a mixing bowl.

“I –”

“You wouldn’t have come,” Ellen hissed, and Darcy glanced at her, seeing she’d finally cracked. “And I am so sick of you acting like I’m the villain. I didn’t invite you so you wouldn’t have to decline in your bitchy way…”

Darcy knew that made sense. Most likely, she wouldn’t have gone to the baby shower. She never enjoyed those. She wasn’t sure why, she thought for years it was something wrong with her that prevented her from revelling in those types of festivities. She didn’t like weddings or engagement parties, either.

“Right,” she murmured. “But I went to the last one.”

“You were drunk.”

Darcy felt her face flush. It was the beginning of her decline. It was after London, and she couldn’t get a hold of herself. She kept forgetting that she wasn’t in danger. She’d drink too much sometimes. When she got blackout drunk before Eli’s Masters graduation, it was soon after she broke up with Ian. She had problems moving forward.

“You should have asked me,” she whispered, and she hated that she couldn’t disguise her hurt.

She didn’t like Ellen, but the kids she had with Eli were her blood. She _loved_ Eli.

Darcy felt her eyes sting and the conversation was dropped, and she peeled everything she was handed. She kept at it until she heard Yvette say:

“Here he is.”

“You need help?”

“Oh, Bucky, no,” Yvette said, waving him off.

He kept glancing at Darcy, and she could see his barely masked concern. He came over, his hand touching the small of her back.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said, her voice wavering. Ellen moved to pick up the potato peelings and Darcy backed away, Bucky’s arm slipping around her to pull her close.

She let it happen, hoping it looked realistic enough.

“Darcy said you’re hopeless with cooking, anyway,” piped up Hannah.

“Yeah, thank God she helps me out,” he replied, looking down at Darcy.

He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and she felt herself blush. He was so beautiful, and all the personal attention was distracting her…

“Like, the stirfrys I make?” she asked, and he nodded.

“Hell, yeah. I love those.”

She’d rarely made him actual dinner, but she liked that he remembered. She curled her fingers into his shirt, smiling up at him. He leaned down to kiss her, only to stop short when Hannah made a loud slurping sound, smacking her lips when both Bucky and Darcy glanced at her.

“Don’t mind me,” she said, grinning.

“We don’t need an audience,” Darcy murmured, and she looked at Yvette. “You still need me?”

“Well –”

Darcy didn’t wait for an answer, grabbing Bucky to walk them out of the room, slipping into the hallway between the kitchen and the dining room, the TV blasting from the living room.

She pushed Bucky into the wall and tugged him down to kiss him, catching his lip between her own, the muffled sound he made against her mouth spurring her on.

His tongue slipped into her mouth, one hand in her hair, his other slipping down to cup her ass over her jeans.

Darcy moaned, devouring him, wanting more, wanting to touch him everywhere –

“What’s got into you?” he whispered, and she nipped at his chin.

“You complaining?”

“No, just – your family’s right there –”

She kissed him again and he moaned as well, turning them so she was pressed into the wall –

“Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa –”

They broke apart, Bucky’s hand dropping from her butt, both of them panting, seeing Eli standing in the hallway, laughing.

“Jesus, is there no privacy in this house?” Darcy hissed, and she squeezed out from under Bucky.

“Go upstairs. Your room’s there,” Eli said, eyebrows raised. “No-one will be surprised –”

“Why, you got a crush?” she muttered, and she pushed past her brother, who was too busy still laughing at his discovery.

Eli looked at Bucky. “You been on the roof yet?”

Darcy stopped mid-step, glancing at Bucky.

“We could,” she said. She looked at Eli. “But if Ellen smells any of that shit on you, I know you’ll be throwing me under the bus.”

“Shut up,” he retorted. “I’ll meet you up there.”

Darcy made a come-hither gesture to Bucky, nodding toward the back door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhhh shit it's about to go OFF.

_Didn't they tell you that I was a savage_   
_Fuck your white horse and a carriage_

\- **"Needed Me" by Rihanna**

Darcy snatched her coat from the hooks by the front door, Bucky doing the same. She began to giggle, unable to stop herself from touching him, kissing him as they slipped out the back door.

It was like he was in her blood, seeing all of his face unobscured by his hair or clothes. She sighed into the kiss, her hands finding his shorter hair and opening her mouth to him.

She shivered, the cold air too obtrusive to ignore. She pulled back, pointing to the tree in the yard.

“We’re going up.”

“You were serious about the roof?”

She watched his eyes go up, wide and blue and she giggled again.

“You’re so fucking cute…”

He smiled at her, going in for another lingering kiss. Darcy closed her eyes, letting herself feel it. She pulled back first, knowing that if she didn’t they could be kissing for hours. He’d proven that many times before. She wanted to at least get off the ground before touching him again so she wouldn’t be distracted. She moved toward the tree, assessing it.

“Don’t make fun of me for having no upper-body strength,” she murmured, starting to grab at a branch and hitch herself up the trunk awkwardly. “I went to the gym last month, I think…”

“I know, I heard all about it,” Bucky replied, and she felt his hands on her rear, pushing her up.

“Hey, watch it.”

“I’m helping-”

“Yeah, yeah…”

She giggled before grunting with the effort, managing to climb up to be parallel with the roof. She began shuffling toward the edge and carefully crouched to move off the tree.

“If you slip –”

“I’ll fall and I’ll crack open my head, got it,” Darcy called down to Bucky, who was staring up at her from the ground.

“I was gonna say, I’ll catch you if you fall.”

“My hero,” Darcy murmured, slowly inching onto the roof.

The tiles were a little icy, but she managed to sit down without an issue. She peered down at Bucky. He nodded, glancing up at the tree before jumping off the ground, grabbing a branch. It took him all of two seconds to reach Darcy’s side, settling with his knees drawn up. He glanced at the moon.

“Used to come up here all the time as a kid,” she said. She leaned closer so their noses brushed. “Never kissed anyone up here, though…”

“Yeah?”

She shivered, interrupting their kiss. Bucky moved his flesh arm out from under his jacket, hitching the material over Darcy’s shoulders so they were sharing the garment. He tugged her closer, her hand on his thigh as his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“Better?”

“God, what did I do to deserve you?” she muttered, and he blinked at her.

“Uh…”

“I mean, you’re ticking all the Good Boyfriend boxes. You bought my parents a gift, you haven’t tried to hit on my sister, you’re not an asshole to my niece or nephew…”

“Is that all it takes?” he murmured. “Seems like a low bar.”

“You’d be surprised,” she replied, sighing. “And I know it’s all…”

Bucky looked at her mouth and then her eyes. “All what?”

“You know… put on, or whatever,” she mumbled, feeling her guts twist.

She felt an immediate shift in the mood. She shouldn’t have acknowledged it, just kept it going, kept pretending. The smile on his face had begun to fade.

“I think I owe you, like, a million things after this weekend.”

“You don’t… owe me,” he murmured. “I wanted to come.”

She saw something in his eyes and she wished she knew what he was thinking. She took a deep breath, hoping she hadn’t misread something from before.

“I’m – I’m glad it’s you,” she whispered. “I’ve had a crush on you forever. You’re kind of my dream guy. I mean, you are my dream guy.”

“What, ‘cause of the haircut?” he said, sounding less sweet.

“No,” she replied. “Did you think I wanted… the old you?”

Bucky looked away, chuckling without mirth. The sound made Darcy’s chest ache. She wished she wasn’t so afraid of telling him how she felt.

“I liked the long hair, too,” she murmured. “It’s not like you’ve suddenly changed into this different person, you’re still…”

He looked at her, licking his lips self-consciously.

“You’re still _my_ Bucky.”

They fell silent, only looking at one another. Darcy was almost sure he could hear how fast her heart had begun to beat. She never wanted to leave this jacket they shared. She felt warm and safe.

“I did this all wrong –” she began, and then the back door slammed open, and they glanced down.

Eli stood with three beers in his arms, grinning up at them. He walked out to the tree, trying to figure out how to get up.

“Forget the beers,” Darcy said. She was trying not to snap at her brother for interrupting them.

In all honesty, she was glad that sentence hadn’t gone anywhere. She was about to tell Bucky way too much, pour way too much into words. She slipped out from under Bucky’s arm and reached toward the edge, grabbing the beers from Eli as he stood on tip-toe. She placed them on top of the chimney. Eli took much longer than Bucky to get up there, grunting loudly, grabbing onto the chimney when he finally reached the top. He felt around the back of it and held up a little package wrapped in plastic.

“I didn’t think you actually had anything up here,” she said, shaking her head in disbelief. “How old are those smokes, anyway?”

“You smoke?” Bucky said, and Darcy shook her head.

“Oh, fuck off,” Eli said with a laugh. “You so do. If I’m a smoker, Dee-Dee’s definitely a smoker.”

“Is that what you tell your wife when you stink of it?” Darcy said, and Eli rolled his eyes.

“Jesus, Ellen…” he muttered.

He unwrapped the cigarettes and took out the lighter in the package, lighting a cigarette and taking a drag. He exhaled into the sky, giving a soft moan.

“Fuck, I miss this shit. And in answer to your question, they’re probably a year old from the last time you were up here.”

Last Christmas, Darcy had a blind date from her mom’s friend’s work. She ran off with Eli halfway through the night to smoke on the roof. Eli quit smoking when he met Ellen.

“How is pregnant-and-married life?” Darcy asked, shuffling over to get her own cigarette, which Eli leaned over to light.

She pulled back, sitting beside Bucky as she smoked. Her throat tickled, unused to the feeling of inhaling. She gave a short cough.

“Don’t ask me about Ellen,” Eli said. “Tell me about you guys.”

Darcy let out a short laugh and Bucky surprised her, taking her cigarette and putting it to his lips to take a drag. She stared at him, momentarily distracted.

It shouldn’t be seductive, seeing a man smoking when Darcy knew all the health risks. She watched him exhale through his nose and she finally turned back to Eli, trying to calm herself down. All she wanted to do was stare at Bucky, tell him how hot and bothered he made her…

“What do you want to know?” she asked Eli.

“You’re clearly in love, since you’re not being an asshole to him –”

“What do you mean?” Darcy cut in, feeling her face blush some more.

“With Ian, all you ever did was make fun of him,” Eli said, making a face. He took a drag and blew it out, shrugging. “It’s like me and Ellen, she fucking hates me.”

“She hates everyone,” Darcy muttered. “And I wasn’t that mean to Ian, we were really close.”

She regretted her words, because it sounded as though she and Bucky weren’t that close if she was treating him differently to how to treated Ian before.

“Ellen doesn’t hate you,” she said, and Eli made a face. “No, really. She mustn’t.”

“You don’t know how marriage works, Dee,” he muttered, taking another drag.

“And you wonder why I don’t want to get married?” she said, hands up.

Eli made an exaggerate look at Bucky, eyebrows raised.

“Does he know that? ‘Cause I’m sure he’s had The Moment –”

Darcy frowned, feeling her stomach flip. “What… _moment_?”

Eli chuckled, flicking ash. He sighed.

“The Moment is when you know it’s what you want, this person you’re spending time with.”

Darcy closed her eyes for a fraction, feeling like she should have seen this coming from a mile away. They’d anticipated the awkward ‘how did you meet’ questions, but not whether or not they were deeply in love.

Eli waved a hand around. “It can happen independent of the other person knowing, too. It’s what can make or break a relationship…”

“And you’re the expert?” Darcy muttered, and Eli smirked.

“I know all about breaking up long-term relationships with the lack of Moment, Dee-Dee.”

Darcy turned to grab the cigarette from Bucky, taking a drag and exhaling it above their heads, feeling the nicotine begin to work through her, making her tingle.

“Why’s Bucky had The Moment?”

“He wouldn’t be here otherwise,” Eli muttered. He looked at Bucky, who was watching this all play out.

He looked at the moon for a few seconds before glancing back at Eli, his gaze steady.

“Yeah, I had The Moment.”

Darcy blinked, eyes widening. She took a long drag, blowing smoke as Bucky began to speak again, quiet and measured:

“I have a nervous condition. I know it’s called post-traumatic stress these days, but I still call it my nervous condition…”

Darcy looked at Eli, who was sitting in rapt attention.

“She came by my place because I wasn’t answering my phone. Didn’t leave my door until I let her in. I was sweatin’ through everything. She got a towel and sat with me on the couch…”

“That was months ago,” Darcy interjected, and Bucky looked right at her.

She couldn’t handle it. It felt like it was too much. He was committing too much to the story. It had to be fake, or otherwise Darcy had really, really fucked things up already without realizing it.

She remembered that afternoon. She was worried sick, and hated that Bucky was trying to shut her out. He thought he was protecting her.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “But I knew then.”

“_Wow_,” Eli said, cutting the tension. “You have a freakout and decided my little sister was the One?”

Bucky looked at Eli, frowning.

“Why does everyone in this family think that’s so unbelievable?”

Darcy felt the world tilt, Bucky’s face changing to something harder.

“I went into the kitchen before and she was cryin’ –”

“Bucky,” Darcy said, shaking her head, but he pressed on.

“She’s… she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said, his words directed to Eli. “And you’re all actin’ like she should be so lucky to even have someone in her life.”

Darcy stared at the side of his face, trying to detect any irony. He was being genuine. She moved to grab his hand, squeezing his gloved one.

“Bucky…”

“Why wasn’t she invited to Ellen’s baby shower?” he added, and Eli’s brows hiked.

“You heard that part?” Darcy whispered, and Bucky nodded, not looking at her.

“Hey, man, it was Ellie’s decision, not mine.”

“She’s your _sister_,” Bucky retorted, the anger simmering beneath the surface.

Darcy touched the side of his face. “Hey, look at me.”

“I don’t have any family,” he said to Eli, while Darcy glided a hand up to rub his cheekbone. “My only sister Becca died before I got outta –”

He ducked his head, cutting himself off.

“Yeah, maybe I just don’t understand modern family dynamics,” he muttered, looking up at Eli once more. “But I’m goin’ to say this as delicately as fuckin’ possible… it’s fucked up.”

Eli let out a breath, sounding stunned. “Jesus.”

Bucky’s jaw worked and he finally looked at Darcy, his eyes changing to something softer.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s all good,” she whispered back.

Eli flicked his cigarette butt off the roof, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Bro, you’ve got no idea what she can get like –”

“I got some idea, _bro_,” Bucky retorted, his voice rising. “And you can’t say it was outta your control that she didn’t see Annie for two years.”

“Did she even tell you how fucked up she was?” Eli yelled, and Darcy flinched.

Her brother rarely got angry around her. It was usually petty stuff she could brush off, but now she was tensing, her heartbeat picking up.

“She couldn’t even walk, and everyone was looking at her! I had to call my professor the next day and explain that my dropout sister just couldn’t help herself –”

“Why didn’t anyone fuckin’ ask her why she was actin’ like that, huh?” Bucky snapped. “Did none of ya think that she needed someone to _fuckin’ talk to_?”

“Hey, hey,” Darcy whispered, and she held Bucky’s face in her hands, shaking her head. “He’s not worth it.”

“Sure, he is,” Bucky said, but the bite had left him. “Fuckin’ spineless…”

“Just ‘cause there wasn’t a war on didn’t mean I didn’t have an excuse for not being there, alright?” Eli snapped. “And I read the HYDRA dump. You think you can judge _me_, and _my family_? Fuck you.”

His eyes were wild, but Darcy was faster, moving toward him with her arm raised. She slapped him across the cheek and he grabbed her wrist.

_“How fucking dare you talk to him like that!” _she screamed. “You have no fucking clue what he’s been through to even be out of HYDRA, you fucking asshole, you’ve got no fucking clue –”

“HEY!”

Darcy glanced down to see Ellen, Hannah, Ted and Yvette all staring up at them. She recognized it was Ellen who yelled, her eyes wide with fury.

“Darcy!” Ted called. “Get down here.”

Eli let go of her wrist and she felt Bucky’s arms on her waist, pulling her back.

“Where’s Annie and Benji?” she mumbled, and Ellen let out a huff.

“With Mark inside, thank God. You’re unbelievable.”

Bucky seemed to know when to stop her and went to let her go, and she felt him drop his arms so that she could make an exaggerated stretch in her seated position.

“Oh, my… fucking _God,_ Ellen! Shut up! _Just shut the fuck up!”_

“Darcy!” Yvette hissed.

Bucky promptly jumped off the roof with the grace of a cat, his arms up when he turned to face Darcy once more. She shuffled forward, lowering herself so he took hold of her, pulling her down with ease. With her feet on the ground, she felt Bucky’s fingers twine through hers, squeezing.

Ellen was livid, blotches of pink on her beautiful face. Her mouth was twisted in a scowl.

“We need to calm down and have dinner,” Yvette said, and Darcy’s eyes snapped to her mother’s. “I’m serious. You all need to calm down and stop this. It’s one night together.”

“She couldn’t help herself,” Ellen said, shaking her head.

Eli was awkwardly trying to get off the roof, shuffling toward the edge next to the tree. Ellen glanced at him, rolling her eyes.

“Smoking on the roof like teenagers. Why am I even slightly surprised?” she muttered. “Eli’s been trying so hard the last few years…”

“It was his fucking idea to go up there, alright?” Darcy snapped, and Ellen glared at her. “Stop pretending. I hate all the fucking pretending –”

“Right, let’s not!” Hannah snapped, and Darcy’s eyes met hers, seeing she was also bristled with anger. “Because if we’re not pretending, I don’t have to keep forgetting about Benji and Mark.”

“_What_ are you talking about?” Darcy said.

“Two weeks ago, you took Benji out of class without my permission.”

Darcy heard Yvette gasp.

“Jesus Christ, you’re acting like I did it to go do drugs with my nine year-old nephew,” Darcy snapped, but her face still burned with shame. “It was a snow day. I wanted to hang out with my nephew because I was depressed –”

She knew there was a better way to deal with that. She knew it was a mistake. She thought her heart was in the right place.

“Fucking Mark,” she muttered, and Hannah shook her head.

“Mark didn’t have to tell me, because _Benji _told me the second I came home from work that night. He said, and I quote, ‘None of this has any real world consequences’.”

Darcy forgot she said that. “Am I wrong? What about your life, Hannah? What from your childhood hindered your chances of having your dream job?”

“That’s not the point, Darcy!” she yelled. “You don’t just tell kids that there aren’t consequences. You have to be a good example. I used to think Ellen was harsh, but maybe I should have created boundaries…”

“That’s not fair,” Darcy retorted. “I’d never hurt or put either of them in any danger, Annie or Benji…”

Yvette let out a weary sigh. “Please, can we make this a nice family occasion? Can we please drop this and go back inside?”

“Girls, your mother is really upset about all this,” Ted said, and he looked at Hannah and then Darcy.

“Why’d you even invite her?” Hannah said. “When you said it yourselves, she does this every time. Makes it about her.”

“What are you talking about?” Darcy snapped, seeing her parents both somehow turn more uncomfortable.

Eli finally made it down the tree, walking over. Darcy could see the mark she’d left on his face.

“It’s all fine for you, Darcy,” Hannah snarled. “You get to be the fun one. You’ve got no responsibilities. It’s always about you finding yourself, or the next relationship you can go find and then fuck up –”

“I don’t want to be that person, but I want to say it, and I’ve wanted to say it for years,” Ellen said, and everyone’s eyes were on her instantly. “But I’m glad she’s the fun one. I shudder to think of any future kids she could have, with her as their mother –”

_“Hey,”_ Bucky cut in.

“You only just got here,” Ellen said, putting up a hand.

“She’d be a great mom, if that’s what she chose to do,” Bucky said, shaking his head at Ellen.

He pushed Darcy as gently as possible, moving them toward the house. He pushed open the door, pulling Darcy along by the hand.

“Fuck this family,” he whispered, and Darcy let out a short laugh, feeling like she could cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you may be a little annoyed or even angry with me with the direction that this story goes in, simply because this might come across as a filler chapter or a little yellow-bellied of me considering chapter 8, but things need time, things need to resolve themselves. The point of me writing this wasn't just so Darcy decides she prefers her found family.

_Just know that I want you, I'll take the fall and the fault in us_   
_I'll give you all the love I never gave before I left you_   
_Just know that I want you back_

\- **"Want You Back" by HAIM**

The last several minutes hit Darcy in the gut, and she felt her hand tingling, the one she slapped Eli with.

She could hear Bucky was breathing heavily as they stood in the hallway, and she let go of his hand to try to reach his face, her eyes stinging.

“Are you with me?” she whispered, and he blinked down at her, nodding. “You sure? Buck, are you with me, here?”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice rough. A little smile was forming, but without mirth. “I feel like goin’ back out there, goin’ a few rounds.”

Darcy felt her lips move in a weak smile but her eyes stung. She sniffled, shaking her head. She remembered Bucky telling her about Goldie’s Gym back in Brooklyn and how he’d learned to fight long before the war.

“No, don’t,” she mumbled.

She knew he was joking, but she couldn’t kept up with his attempt at humor. She felt a wave crest over her and she let out a shuddering breath, putting her face in her hands.

“Hey, hey,” she heard Bucky murmur, and then his arms wrapped around her, his chin resting on her head. He kissed her hair as Darcy began to let it out.

She hadn’t cried in front of him for a little while. She sniffed, glancing up at him, seeing his jaw work, his lips pressed together. His hand moved to brush the hair from her face and cup her cheek. He brushed a tear away with a thumb and she whimpered, seeing his eyes full of hurt.

“C’mere,” he whispered, and he took her by the hand again and walked them down the hall.

They went up the stairs and into the bathroom. Once she heard Bucky lock the door with a soft click, she began to sob, sitting down on the shut toilet with her hands back to covering her face.

No-one wanted her to be there. Not even her parents. She’d screwed up too many times for them to count, it seemed. Eli choosing Ellen over her was just the tip of the iceberg. None of these people made her feel like she belonged. She thought of her Uncle Jack, quiet and ironic. He understood her – he never told her to stop being herself. He died that way. Thinking of him made her cry harder.

“God, I miss him,” she sobbed, sniffling.

“Jack?” Bucky whispered, and she put a hand down, seeing him sitting on the floor beside her.

He took her hand and squeezed it as she nodded.

“He’d be telling them all to go fuck themselves,” she mumbled. “He did it often enough. It’s like nothing he ever did was good enough.”

“It was,” Bucky said, and she met his eye. “It _was_, and you are, too.”

Darcy bit her lip to stop herself from disagreeing. She knew he’d never lie to her, but maybe he was being kind. So far, she’d strung him along for months, thinking she’d done what was best for them both.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and his face twisted in pain and he shook his head.

“No, don’t do that, baby,” he said, and she felt her stomach flip. “Don’t do that…”

She nodded, falling silent. He hadn’t called her that before, but by the way he said it, it sounded practiced, yet natural. She gave a loud sniff, fresh tears beginning to fall. They sat together for a few minutes, Bucky’s thumb rubbing her hand as he held it.

When the worst of it was over, he moved to look in the cupboard under the sink, taking out a wash cloth. It matched the rest of the bathroom décor and Darcy chuckled despite herself.

“Do I look like a racoon?” she mumbled.

Bucky stood up to wet the cloth under the sink before turning back toward her, crouching so he was closer to her eye level.

“The prettiest raccoon,” he replied softly, and she gave a little wet laugh.

He dabbed at her face carefully, the mascara tracks gone from her face. She tried to not feel guilty, since he’d already done so much and now he was taking care of her, because she knew he chose to do all this. He was more than she thought she’d ever need. She hated that it took this long for her to realize that he cared this much.

She’d been keeping him at arm’s length.

When he put the cloth aside, Darcy got up and looked in the mirror, seeing her face and eyes were a little red. She washed her hands for the sake of being at the sink and dried them, Bucky’s hand touching her back and rubbing her.

“You want me to bring you a plate from downstairs?”

She glanced at the locked bathroom door. She’d completely forgotten about the dinner that her mom was trying to get them to behave for. She had no intention of going back down there anytime soon. She looked back at Bucky.

“What do you need?” he murmured.

“I don’t…” she began, feeling her stomach twist, thinking about all the yelling she’d done, all the hard truths revealed in rapid succession.

“Do you want to see Benji and Annie?” Bucky asked, and she nodded.

It could help. The thought of Hannah, Eli and Ellen all looking at her with fierce eyes was enough to make her fill with dread. Bucky seemed to sense it, squeezing her shoulder.

“It’s okay. I’ll figure it out.”

They went downstairs, hearing the music still playing through the speakers in the kitchen, voices coming from the dining room. Darcy stuck her head in the living room and saw Mark sitting with Benji and Annie.

Both children lit up when they saw her, sitting at the designated activities table, their plates of food sitting beside crayons and markers. Mark was behind them on the couch, a tumbler of scotch in one hand, his plate on his lap.

“Hey, you okay?” he murmured, and Darcy nodded, looking at the kids.

“What are you guys watching?”

She felt Bucky move past her as she knelt beside Annie to inspect her plate. She’d been working her way through some mash potato, her mouth covered in gravy.

“_The Grinch_,” Benji replied. “At least it’s not _Frozen_.”

Darcy glanced at Mark, who’d smirked at his son’s comment. She moved to sit beside him on the couch, their voices dropping for privacy.

“Everyone ran out when they heard you screaming,” he murmured, and Darcy nodded. His eyes studied her face. “Should I ask what -?”

“I bitch-slapped Eli. He… said something about Bucky and I guess it’s my trigger.”

“You hungry?” he asked, offering his fork, and Darcy shook her head.

“He’s getting me a plate.”

“I’m really happy for you,” Mark said, and she could see he meant it.

He always looked stylish, but never wore it in the way Hannah did. Darcy knew he wore a watch that cost more than a year’s rent, but he never told her off for wearing sneakers under her bridesmaid dress years ago. He always looked at her like she was the only person in the room, and Darcy had to be careful to make sure her sister never spotted it, but she had, in little instances over the years.

Darcy didn’t encourage whatever feelings her brother-in-law had for her. They were allies, and they loved Benji dearly.

“Thanks,” she replied. She glanced at Benji and then Mark and he gave a little smile. “I’m sorry about the snow day.”

“Bullshit,” Mark whispered, and she smirked. “You’re not sorry for a second.”

“Your son ratted us both out,” Darcy whispered back.

“I know. I slept on the couch that night.”

Darcy snorted. “Your version of a couch and my version are very different, Mister Manahattan Penthouse.”

She knew Hannah hated when they conspired together. She knew it was wrong, taking Benji out of school like that. She wished her sister hadn’t held onto that resentment, though.

They watched the movie for a few minutes, until Bucky walked back in with a couple plates of food, handing Darcy her food before he turned his head to glance at the TV.

“What the… _hell_ are you guys watchin’?”

-

Bucky was trying his absolute best not to cuss anyone out the second he walked through the dining room and into the kitchen.

The conversation had dropped when he slipped past the rest of the family, and he felt eyes on him as he kept his head down. He picked up Darcy’s dirty wine glass along the way.

He walked into the kitchen, glancing around for where to put the glass to clean it, and heard footsteps behind him. He knew they weren’t male, unless Ted or Eli suddenly lost forty or so pounds. He heard the small voice behind him:

“That’s fine, you don’t need to worry about that, hon.”

Yvette sounded the same as before, very sweet and non-threatening. He put down the glass above the dish washer, looking around for the right cabinet to get some plates. He glanced her way, seeing she was hovering by the bench with her lips pursed.

“Where’s the -?”

“Here,” she said, coming over and kneeling to open a cabinet. She took out a couple plates with gold edging, handing them to Bucky.

He took them, thinking the last few hours over. He didn’t want to say anything, didn’t want anything to do with these people. They seemed like non-believers, but he thought if they had context, they’d at least be able to stop acting as if Darcy was this way for fun.

“Darcy’s, uh,” he began, and he cleared his throat. He saw Yvette’s face change. “She’s been through a lot.”

“I ask her,” she replied, her voice small. “She doesn’t like to say exactly what happened –”

“Y’know with… with New York?” he said, and she nodded. “Sh-_stuff_ coming outta the sky? That’s her territory. She deals with it up close. When she was in London, she coulda died.”

Yvette’s eyes widened. “What?”

“That was before I was ever… in the picture,” he added. “She’s had a hard time, but she doesn’t always talk about it, even to me. I didn’t… know about the snow day.”

“She shouldn’t have done that,” Yvette said, but she didn’t sound angry. “It is… like her to do something like that. Her uncle, my brother, used to do that with her. I’d go ballistic.”

Bucky couldn’t imagine this woman being anything less than only mildly distressed, considering how withdrawn she was during the fighting outside.

“What happened to him?” Bucky asked. “I’m sorry, I just – Darcy didn’t tell me.”

“Drunk driver,” she said. “He had a motorcycle. She lost her way after that.”

Bucky nodded, thinking of how he’d been so hurt by her not seeing him as her boyfriend, instead this friend who she slept with. He's priorities were really fucked up.

“She went to Culver, ran off to New Mexico…”

Yvette took a deep breath and let it go.

“She pushes people away. Keeps herself very… guarded. Even when you look at her and think you’ve scratched the surface, she’ll look at you and you’ll see it in her eyes – that she’s hiding.”

Bucky felt his eyes prickle and he looked away, at the plates in his hands. Yvette sighed.

“But it’s my fault. It has to be. I’m not good at… I avoided it, too. Being honest.”

“She’s the most honest person I’ve ever known,” Bucky said, and Yvette blinked at him. “She… is so generous.”

“Yes,” she said, smiling. “Like my brother.”

She looked at the food on the bench and waved a hand.

“You’ve got to eat.”

“Okay,” Bucky murmured, and he began to pile up the plates with roast chicken and vegetables, putting plenty of carbs onto Darcy’s plate, knowing she’d want any she could get her hands on.

“I’ll talk to everyone,” Yvette said, her voice lower.

Bucky made himself look her in the eye again, and she gave a little smile.

-

Darcy got up, giving Mark a short wave.

“We’ll be upstairs.”

She walked out with Bucky behind her, making their way up the stairs to her bedroom. She locked the door behind them and they sat down together, starting to eat. She shoved some mashed potatoes in her mouth and felt Bucky’s eyes watching her.

“We can go,” he said, and she glanced up from her food. “If you want. We can eat and leave. I’ll drive.”

She considered it, especially before when her hand stopped stinging from the slap she gave Eli. She thought of leaving and never coming back, letting texts stay on read, Voicemails ignored, emails deleted. She remembered why she came in the first place – because she wanted these people to get off her back about what she didn’t have in her life.

But she did have something. It didn’t fit their ideals, but she wasn’t going to beat herself up about it anymore.

“I think I wanna stay,” she whispered, and Bucky nodded. “Is that bad?”

“No, I just…” He gave a short laugh. “You’re a bigger person that me.”

They went on eating, bumping feet occasionally. When Darcy was done, she put down her plate on the carpet and put her arm up to touch Bucky’s face, her fingers gliding up to meet his hair and stroke him.

“Mark’s got a crush,” he murmured, which surprised her.

“Yeah,” she replied. “Nothing’s ever happened. He loves Hannah.”

“I know,” he said. “I could just tell there was something there, ‘cause of the look on his face.”

Darcy petted him, feeling her stomach flip. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, ‘cause I get the same look on mine,” he said, his eyes moving from his plate to look at Darcy. He let go of his fork. “Except mine’s probably a little different.”

“’Cause you get to see me naked?” she said, smiling.

He looked at her mouth, blinking a couple times. He seemed like he was working himself up to say something, like when he was talking to Eli before on the roof with the moon shining down on his face.

“Yeah, _that_ and… I know you’d do anything for me, even if I didn’t ask,” he murmured. He looked her in the eye and Darcy felt herself go still. “And I know I’d do the same. I mean, I want you to know that I’d do the same.”

Darcy swallowed.

“Bucky…”

He looked at her mouth again. She moved to kiss the side of his face, squeezing his knee. He move to put down his plate, turning toward her when his hands were free. She felt her stomach fluttering, but she didn’t want to prolong it anymore, this moment. He kissed her before she could speak, and she made a little sound, close to a sob.

He pulled back, hands on her thighs, forehead pressed to hers.

“Darce…”

He moved to look at her properly, his eyes wider.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Of course,” she replied, her voice a little wobbly. She swallowed. “I love you, too.”

“I’m _in_ love with you.”

She smiled, and she sniffled. “I’m in love with you, too. I was so stupid.”

“No, don’t. I… I should've made it clear that I wanted that.”

“We were screwing around for months,” Darcy whispered, shaking her head. She couldn’t stop the exasperation slipping in. “And then I asked you to be my _fake_ boyfriend? Fuck.”

He kissed her again, with the intensity of a man starved of touch, unable to stop hold himself back. She immediately was drawing comparisons to the first time they ever kissed. She remembered falling into that with him so easily, letting go of her inhibitions, tussling with each other, clothes pulled off just enough to reach other’s skin.

He drank from her, hands reaching to pull her closer, to slot her into place on his lap, cuddling her to him. He broke the kiss just to hold her, breathing heavily into her neck for several seconds as Darcy sighed.

“God…”

“I was a fuckin’ idiot,” he whispered. “Shoulda made sure you were my girl.”

“I am,” she gasped. She pulled him by the hair to look into his eyes. “I always was. I didn’t want to push you or scare you away…”

They kissed again, and Darcy surrendered to it, feeling the tears begin to fall from her eyes.

“I love you,” she heard him whisper, as they broke apart to hug once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short, but I hope you enjoy it just the same. ❤

_Believe me when I say that I cannot apologize enough_   
_When all you ever wanted from me was a token of my love_

**\- "Back to the Start" Lily Allen**

Bucky’s nose brushed hers, the bed springs creaking as he lowered her to lie down beneath him, their eyes closing as they kissed.

Darcy arched into him, his hand dipping down her hip to cup her ass, her thigh latching onto him, the world beginning to dissolve as they moved together. With each roll of their hips, each glide of Bucky’s tongue against hers, Darcy melted, little moans ebbing from her mouth. His needy touch made her fingers curl into his shirt, her hips cradling his.

He moved further up, until he lay her flat beneath him, sucking her tongue into his mouth. She wanted to hear it, himself becoming unravelled, so she dug her fingers into his hair. She was instantly rewarded, his low groan muffled, the smile spreading on her face in between kisses. They rolled, Darcy’s hair curtaining them as he cupped her jaw with one hand, his cybernetic hand gliding down her front, squeezing her chest.

Darcy bucked, gasping, wanting more.

“Take off your glove –”

She moved her mouth off of his to grab the leather between her teeth and tug, Bucky watching with wet parted lips. His eyes were glazed over, her words taking longer than usual to register, and with panting breaths they both tugged it off, the glove falling to the floor.

They kissed again and he moaned, Darcy’s hand guiding his cybernetic one under her shirt to reach her bra. They kept at it, until Darcy was close to breathless, panting harder, her face burning with longing.

“I have a fantasy,” she murmured. “Of… fucking a guy in this bedroom.”

“You haven’t?” Bucky whispered, brushing her hair away from her face, a slow smile forming. “Am I the first?”

“One guy got close,” she said, and his brows lifted. “Senior year. Bobby Kaminski. Made out when we were meant to be studying. Came in his pants.”

Bucky laughed. “Poor kid.”

“Hmm,” Darcy replied, her fingers tugging Bucky’s hair hard enough that he hissed, his crotch bumping hers. “What would it take to make you come?”

He kissed her, taking from her, tasting her, rolling them so he was on top of her once more, his hips beginning to rut. They only stopped kissing when Darcy broke away, his mouth on her cheek and then down her throat.

He lifted his head, his eyes so close to hers they became one. He pressed a lingering kiss to her lips, grinding into her.

“You want me to make a mess in my jeans?” he whispered, and she nodded, biting her lip. “That’s no fun, at least, not for me…”

“M’sure you could go again,” she mumbled, mouth falling open when he reached between them to pop the button of her jeans, his hand dipping down the front of her underwear a second later.

She let out a shaky breath, eyes closing at the sensation of his fingers feeling between her damp folds, teasing her.

“I wanna make you come,” he whispered. “Bobby ever make you come on this bed?”

Darcy felt herself clench in anticipation, moaning, pushing up to meet his hand.

“No… no, he never…”

“That’s a fuckin’ shame,” he whispered, and she let out weak laugh, followed by another moan. “Gotta keep quiet, though, sweetheart…”

“Don’t wanna,” she whined, though she tried her best to keep her voice hushed.

They kept going, her hips rocking in time to his hand, and she could feel it building, the tension. She could feel she was close, edging toward her climax, the edges of her vision blurring. It was just her panting breath, Bucky’s hand on her, his eyes so blue and glued to hers –

There was a knock and Bucky froze, Darcy’s eyes squeezed shut. His hand cupped her mound in her underwear and she heard a muffled voice from beyond:

“Dee?”

“Are you… fucking kidding me?” she whispered, and Bucky sighed, kissing her forehead, his hand still resting against her.

“Dee? Can we talk?”

She knew it was Eli. She tried to sit up and Bucky withdrew his hand, sucking his fingers, his pupils blown. Darcy bit back a frustrated groan and looked down at the obvious outline of his erection in his jeans. She dropped a hand to rest on his length and squeezed, Bucky’s eyes flashing.

“Yeah,” she called, unable to keep the irritation out of her voice. “Be right there.”

Bucky pulled her into another kiss, slow and heated. They broke apart, Darcy’s chest heaving and she bit her lip, pushing him back with a finger until he lay on his back, watching her stand up. She was sure she looked like someone who was in the middle of being thoroughly fucked, and she couldn’t bother pretending otherwise. She tried in vain to tame her hair, combing it haphazardly with her fingers, unlocking the door as Bucky drew his knees up, his hands behind his head.

She opened the door, seeing Eli standing there with his hands in his pockets, staring at the floor. She met his gaze, holding the door open for Bucky to hear.

“What is it?” she murmured.

“I wanna talk.”

“Maybe I don’t wanna talk to you,” she retorted. There was a beat. “How’s your face?”

“Okay,” he mumbled. He looked over her shoulder at Bucky. “Sorry for…”

“Interruptin’?” Bucky grunted, and Eli’s lips quirked.

“Yeah. That and – I’m sorry for what I said about you and HYDRA.”

Darcy looked at Bucky, seeing his face was stone, staring straight ahead.

“S’fine,” Bucky grunted.

Darcy’s eyes swung back to Eli’s.

“We’ll talk.”

-

Darcy slipped out the back door with Eli, Bucky’s jacket layered on top of hers. She felt so much better, knowing that Bucky was waiting for her in the wings. She knew the look on Eli’s face – he was terrible at masking his guilt.

He wasn’t about to attack her, verbally or otherwise. He seemed deflated.

Darcy felt stronger.

The second Eli shut the door behind them, she turned to him.

“What is it?” she said, not wanting to draw it out any longer.

She shivered, waiting for Eli to form the words. He glanced away, letting out a breath. She saw something pass over his face.

“Mom told us about London.”

“What?” she said, feeling herself begin to shake. “What do you mean?”

“Bucky talked to her in the kitchen. He said you’d been… going through it.”

“We’re all going through it,” she snapped.

She was grateful that Bucky did that. She didn’t expect him to, but today had been a long day full of surprises from him.

“I’m sorry I hit you,” she went on, Eli’s mouth opening to say more. “I’m protective of him. You really have no idea what he’s been through.”

“Then enlighten me.”

“No,” she said, sharper than ever. “It’s not my job, and it’s not your business. You fucked up, Eli. You shut me out for years because you couldn’t stick up for me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and she snapped her mouth shut. His eyes had gone glassy. “I’m fat and old –”

“You’re not,” she said with a quiet sigh.

“I am, alright?” he said. “But I’d be way worse if it wasn’t for Ellen.”

“I thought you hated how she bosses you around,” Darcy said. “You sneaking around with me to smoke cigarettes on the roof says a lot –”

“When I met her five years ago, I needed her so badly,” he cut in. His eyes had gone wider. “If someone showed up for you when you were at your worst, telling you exactly how to live your life, showing you exactly what to do, you’d be with that person, right?”

“What?” Darcy whispered. “Five years ago –”

“I was a fucking mess,” he replied.

There was a pause and Darcy moved closer, touching his arm. He sucked in a breath.

“She gave me the ultimatum – it was either Annie or you, and I chose Annie.”

Darcy felt her throat tighten, rubbing his arm. “Right…”

“I shouldn’t have let it happen, but I thought she’d go live with her mother or something. And I can’t be without Annie. Those two years, I knew how painful it was for you, and I let you… I let you fucking live with that shit.”

“Yeah, you did,” Darcy whispered, swallowing.

“Can you forgive me?”

“I dunno,” she replied. Her eyes stung. “Probably… eventually.”

“I’m on meds,” he said, and Darcy’s eyes snapped to his. “Maybe you should be, too.”

Darcy let him go, stepping back. “I’ve got Bucky.”

“You can’t do that,” he said. “You can’t do what I did, and wrap yourself up in another person. It makes you more vulnerable, not doing anything about it. Using someone for –”

“I’m not using Bucky,” she said. “Not anymore.”

She looked away, shaking her head. It was hard to explain the monumental shift in her without telling him the truth - that up until that day she thought that she and Bucky were just friends fumbling around, never trying to face their feelings. She knew she'd try harder now, to be better, kinder to herself.

“She saw too much of me in you,” Eli said, and she met his eye once more, frowning. “Ellen. When you were drunk at my Masters graduation, at the other baby shower…”

She nodded, and she felt tired. The emotional toll of the day was catching up to her, and she could feel the exhaustion begin to seep into her bones.

“I had a… bad year. Few bad ones,” he mumbled. “Ellen couldn’t get pregnant for the longest time. It’s me, it’s not her…”

Darcy stared at him. He gave a shrug.

“What Ellie said, though – I’m sorry. You _are_ the fun one, but that doesn’t mean you’re not supposed to have kids. Or that you’d be a bad mom.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?” he said, eyebrows lifting slightly. He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand roughly, as if he wasn’t truly crying. “None of us have made that easier for you, feeling good about yourself.”

“You’re right,” Darcy muttered, folding her arms. “All of you constantly project your shit onto me. All my life.”

Eli sniffed, like he had a cold, not like he was in tears. “Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not making excuses for Eli, I was hoping to explain his actions a little better.
> 
> Edit: I'm not demonizing or promoting refusing medications for mental illnesses. Neither is Darcy - she's just especially guarded about what to say around Eli now. 
> 
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW! Happy Friday to me... ❤

_It doesn't matter if I'm not enough_   
_For the future or the things to come_   
_'Cause I'm young and in love_   
_I'm young and in love_

_Don't worry, baby_

\- **"Love" by Lana Del Rey**

Bucky sat up on his elbows, looking around Darcy’s room, listening out for signs of life downstairs. He thought about following her out of there, inserting himself into the conversation whether Eli was comfortable with it or not.

He decided against it. He didn’t want to be one of those guys who was overbearing. He didn’t want to mirror Ellen in any way. It was tempting to give Eli what Darcy got, but he trusted she’d be okay with talking to her dumbass brother heart-to-heart.

He felt excited, which surprised him. Only minutes ago he’d been a ball of nerves, but he knew it was way past time he told Darcy he loved her.

And yeah, maybe he was a little pissed off that his girl’s brother interrupted him making her feel good. He wanted to do that for her. His dick was aching and he adjusted himself in his jeans, trying to not grumble too much to himself. His phone buzzed on the floor and he shifted off the bed to grab it, seeing Sam sent him a text.

** _How’s it going?_ **

Bucky rubbed his face with his flesh hand, unsure of how to respond. So much had happened in the space of several hours. It almost felt like he’d had a massive workout, pushing himself until his muscles twinged with pain.

Instead of writing anything back, he pressed the call button and put the phone to his ear. Sam picked up immediately.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky murmured. “Darcy’s family are terrible.”

“Oh,” Sam said, a little surprised. “Then why are you there?”

“I told her I love her,” Bucky replied. He pictured Sam’s whole face lighting up.

“Really? That’s great! I’m so –”

“Give it a rest,” he cut in, but he felt his mouth curl into a smile. “I’m sittin’ in her room. She had a huge fight with her brother and sister and her brother’s wife…”

“But she’s okay?”

“Yeah, you know Darcy,” Bucky mumbled, but he thought of her sobbing in the bathroom before. “Actually… maybe I should go check on her.”

“Maybe leave.”

“Hmm.” Bucky sighed. “She… she hasn’t been lookin’ after herself.”

“Sounds familiar,” Sam replied, but there was no hint of judgment in his tone.

Bucky knew how that had happened. Both of them were able to keep themselves in a little bubble of sex and companionship, without putting their other needs first. He knew it was bad. He hadn’t understood just how bad it was until today. She needed a friend, but she also needed to value herself. He knew he couldn’t fix that – it wasn’t how relationships work – but he hadn’t been a good example to her. He hadn’t made sure that she felt wanted. In a way, he shouldn’t have been so surprised by the whole ‘fake boyfriend’ thing.

“Yeah. She – yeah.”

Sam went quiet, and Bucky sighed.

“I’m not gonna push her –”

“Just tell her what you want,” Sam said, as gentle as possible.

Bucky nodded, then remembered he couldn’t see him.

“Yeah.”

There was a pause and he heard a new song start up from the kitchen. He glanced at the floor where the dirty plates were resting.

“I’m gonna go. If… if somethin’ fuckin’ implodes, I’ll let you know. Or Steve. Where _is_ he, anyway?”

“Sharon’s.”

Bucky blinked at the poster of Leo, stunned.

“Seriously? Finally?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, laughing. “I’m proud of you both.”

“Yeah, okay,” Bucky replied, trying to not feel awkward. He was not great at compliments. Darcy had been showering him with them all day and last night, and he knew he could be way worse about it.

When he hung up, he looked down at his phone and fired off a message to Darcy:

** _Come back to bed_ **

His stomach fluttered and he tucked his phone into his jeans, picking up the plates and ducked out of the room. He couldn’t hear any yelling, so that had to be a good sign. He put the plates in the kitchen, hearing muffled voices outside.

Yvette was out there with Darcy.

-

Darcy heard the back door open and saw her mom coming toward her, her brow furrowed. She rose her arms and hugged Darcy without a word.

“Mom?”

She began to shake and Darcy bit her lip, hearing Yvette begin to cry. She put a hand on her mom’s back to soothe.

“It’s okay…”

She glanced at Eli, mouthing, ‘What the fuck?’ and he shrugged, wiping his eyes again. Yvette pulled back, sniffling.

“I wish you… I wish told me,” she whispered, her voice wavering.

Darcy’s throat felt thick. She let out a shaky breath, Yvette’s hand stroking her face. Her mom had become the comforter, Darcy’s brows furrowing as she tried to not burst into tears.

“Are you okay?” she whispered, and Darcy blinked furiously, gnawing her lip. “What can I do?”

“Mom, she’s not gonna –”

“Shut up, Eli,” Yvette said, sweetly but somehow sharper than Darcy had ever heard her before. “Go back inside.”

Eli snapped his mouth shut, nodding. He left them to it, and Darcy stared at her mother with wider eyes.

“I didn’t go to Ellen’s shower, either,” Yvette whispered, stroking Darcy’s face again. “I told her I was having hot flushes, but in reality, I spent that afternoon on the couch, wishing you and I were together. I tried harder to fix it…”

“Mom, we’re adults,” Darcy said, shaking her head. “It’s not your job to do that. Eli…”

“I don’t like how Ellen has treated you their entire marriage,” Yvette said, sighing. “I know she’s the mother of my granddaughter. I know she makes Eli happy –”

“You can love her and not approve at the same time,” Darcy cut in. “You were the same with me fore years.”

“I just want you to be happy,” Yvette said, and she looked deep into her eyes. “Okay? Does he make you happy?”

Darcy nodded, feeling overwhelmed. “Yes. Absolutely.”

“Okay, then,” Yvette said, and her hands dropped to her shoulders, squeezing. “I’ll try to not nag so much.”

“You’re extremely married, Mom,” Darcy retorted, but she was starting to smile again. “I think you forget that other people live differently…”

“I _know_ how you live,” she retorted, and Darcy threw back her head to laugh. “And I know how I’d live if I had my own Bucky…”

Darcy was reminded of her sister then and let out a sigh.

“I need to talk to Hannah.”

Yvette squeezed her shoulders again. “I think we all need to rest. And I think Hannah’s had a teensy bit too much wine…”

Darcy couldn’t help smirking at that. Her mom was being polite. It sounded as if her eldest child was probably barely keeping her eyes open.

“We put the little ones to bed, and Hannah’s gone to sleep, too.”

“Right,” Darcy said, and Yvette shot her a look.

“If you wait until tomorrow when she’s hungover, I hope there’s less yelling,” Yvette said with a little smirk.

-

She took the stairs up to her bedroom, letting herself in and seeing Bucky lying on his back with his warm eyes staring back at her, his book open and resting on his lap.

“Hey,” she whispered, and she shut the door, locking it.

She moved toward the bed, and he shuffled over to make space for her. Darcy kicked off her shoes and lay down beside him, picking up the book to see which one it was.

“I haven’t read that since college,” she murmured.

The version she had was a beaten up paperback. Bucky’s edition was a hardcover with a pristine dust jacket, an illustration of a woman’s hand holding a compact mirror on the front.

“How far did you get?”

“Just started,” he replied, and Darcy moved to duck under his cybernetic arm, resting against him as he took the book back. “You want me to read to you?”

She couldn’t remember the last time someone read to her. Years and years ago. She felt a new wave of love for him, pressing a kiss to his neck, making an affirmative hum into his skin.

“Okay. I’ll go back to the start,” he whispered, flipping a couple pages. He kissed her hair. Darcy heard him swallow and settle into his spot.

_“Chapter One. It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenburgs, and I didn’t know what I was doing in New York.”_

_-_

Darcy woke later, blinking up into the dark, remembering where she was.

There was no sound of music. Bucky was too quiet to be asleep, and she turned, rolling onto her side to face him, able to make out the shape of him in the blackness of her bedroom. In the tiny bed, there was no room to stretch out, their legs tangled together, Bucky’s back brushing against the wall. They were still laying on the covers, which meant she fell asleep as he read to her before.

She felt in the dark for his face and he pulled her closer, arms wrapping around her. She felt his lips brush her cheek and then reach her mouth.

The arousal was so strong, so fast. Her hot, excited blood reached the edges of her in seconds, her mouth opening to let Bucky’s tongue slip inside and she moaned.

“Gotta be quiet,” he whispered, and she grabbed at his shirt, wanting to tug it off. “Everyone’s gone to sleep…”

She reached to the side of the bed, fumbling for the little lamp she’d had since she was little, the room flooding with a soft yellow glow, revealing Bucky beside her and she almost froze from the feeling that hit her.

“I want you,” she whispered, the words leaving her in a rush.

He moved toward her, their noses brushing. She tilted her head, feeling the tension binding them together, his eyes unblinking.

“I want you,” he echoed.

She kissed him, cupping his jaw. He surged into her, crowding her, Darcy’s body arching into his. His hands went to her thigh to bring her leg over his hip, pulling her under him.

Her hands grabbed at his shirt and Bucky moved back, only stopping their kisses to yank the shirt off. Darcy’s hands glided up, her fingertips reaching the mottled scar tissue on his left shoulder.

“Want you,” he gasped. “Should’ve… told you every day.”

“Told me what?” Darcy whispered, pausing to yank off her shirt, Bucky’s hands going behind her back to undo the clasp of her bra.

“That I’ve been in love with you since the start…”

Her clothes joined Bucky’s shirt on the floor and he ducked his head to kiss down her front, to latch onto her nipple and suck at her.

“Fuck… Bucky…”

The kiss he gave her was filthy and sucked the air out of her, and she could feel how hard and ready he was for her again. He managed to undo her jeans without her realizing, pulling back to help peel them off. He moved off the bed to pull them off her ankles, and Darcy reached for him again, hugging him to her. He stayed kneeling beside her bed as she kissed him with her fingers buried deep in his hair.

“You’re so beautiful,” she whispered, and he whimpered at that, pushing her back, his hands going to his jeans to unbutton them.

He stood naked and Darcy beckoned him toward her, lying back on the bed, lifting her hips to shuck off her underwear and toss them aside.

He climbed on top of her, kissing her as their hips shifted, Darcy’s legs widening. The bed springs gave a squeak and Darcy saw Bucky’s face change and she covered her mouth to stop herself from laughing too hard.

He smiled down at her, gathering her in his arms to carry her off the bed, lying her on the carpet. She lifted her hips again to coax him between her thighs, and Bucky’s eyes dipped, his lips parting at the sensation of her rubbing against him.

He pushed inside her and Darcy gasped, arching her back. They’d done this so many times, but there was so much of him that he poured into his loving – at one point, she saw his eyes were misting and she kissed him all over his face and neck when he picked up the pace.

Her nails dug into his skin and she could hear their panting, the soft patting sound of him knocking into her. Darcy’s eyes finally fluttered closed as he reached between them for her clit. She sucked in a breath, louder than before.

“_Bucky_…”

He pulled back a little and Darcy blinked up at him, her chest tighter. He was building her up, and she was safe, so happy in his arms.

“You’re gonna make me…”

She dissolved into a moan, and he kissed her, sealing his mouth over hers as he rutted, rubbed her, made her tense all over.

She came hard, Bucky’s fingers over her mouth as he groaned behind gritted teeth, chasing his own release. He lasted another minute before he fell apart, his hips jerking until they gave out, coming deep inside her.

They lay there for a minute, panting as the room came back to Darcy, Bucky’s lips meeting hers in a languid kiss. He looked wrecked when he pulled out of her, a sheen of sweat on his brow.

Darcy sat up, realizing then that she had carpet burn on her butt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky was reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. The version he's reading is based off of the [50th anniversary edition](https://www.bookdepository.com/Bell-Jar-Sylvia-Plath/9780571268863?ref=grid-view&qid=1573792122667&sr=1-3).


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated less than 24 hours ago. Please check that you've read chapter 11!  
PWP, but now there's a chapter count! We're on the home stretch. ❤

_My heart's on fire, the flame grows higher_  
_So I will weather the storm!_  
_What do I care how much it may storm?_  
_Oh, I've got my love to keep me warm_

\- **"I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm" by Irving Berlin**

When Darcy woke, the feeling inside her, remembering where she was and whose arms she was held by… the feeling was unwritten and cryptic, but real. She was overwhelmed by the knowledge that she was this wanted, this accepted by another human being. She could cry like she did last night and he’d hold her face in his hands and not tell her to stop. He’d hurt along with her, want to make her happy, want to make her safe and feel safe.

She was naked under the blankets, Bucky’s body warm enough for both of them and she gave a happy sigh, lifting her head to look down at him as she leaned on an elbow. She could see he was deep in sleep, dreaming about something. It was his muttering that woke her up. She watched for cues, in case he was about to start yelling. He had the train dream often, feeling himself fall and never meeting the ground. Other times, it was pure violence and gore, and she’d see him fall out of bed screaming, before running out into the bathroom to wash the invisible blood and viscera from his hands.

This time, she could see he had a wounded look on his face, his eyes moving under the lids, but he didn’t seem like he was in any type of pain related to his trauma. His brows furrowed and his chest heaved, and he huffed, mumbling something.

Did he just say ‘Darcy’?

“Buck,” she whispered, and he stirred, but he was too out of it, or, too into whatever was happening in his mind’s eye.

Darcy placed a hand on his chest, gliding up over the patch of hair, scraping her nails over the skin up to his collar bone. He kept breathing heavily, and he made a sound, his hand twitching beside him. She left his chest, reaching for the blanket and looking down.

His cock was standing to attention, heavy and leaking and Darcy bit her lip, to smother her giggle. The obviousness of it hit her – he was having a sex dream.

She reached for him, feeling the twin sensations of soft and hard – his velvety texture combined with the ridges of his shaft. She heard him suck in a breath and she glanced back at his face, waiting for him to spring into life.

“Buck,” she whispered again. “Wake up, baby…”

He moaned, and the sound ran through her, right to her cunt and she bit her lip again. He squirmed when she ran her thumb over the wetness at the tip of him, his cybernetic hand flexing, moving to touch her.

She tried a different tactic, feeling him grip at her side, shifting her body up so her face met his. She pressed a kiss to his mouth and he began to blink up at her, his speech slurring with sleep.

“You…”

His lips parted and the colour rose in his cheeks, and Darcy began to stroke him. He moaned again, eyes fluttering shut at the feel of her pumping him. He looked transfixed when he opened his eyes again, his hand on her gripping a little tighter.

He pulled her down to kiss her, moaning and squirming as Darcy didn’t let up, working him over hard and fast.

“Darce… I wanna… M’baby, you c-can’t…”

He gave her a dreamy smile and Darcy mirrored him.

“I can’t what, Sarge?” she whispered.

“I wanna come inside you –”

She let go of him immediately, throwing a leg over to settle on his lap, licking her hand a second later to make him wetter, her other hand between her thighs and inspecting.

Bucky’s eyes feel to the apex of her legs, his pupils blown. She lifted her hips, rubbing against him with a slow rock. Bucky’s hands went to the widest part of her hips, digging into the flesh.

She could see it on his face, his barely contained love. He would have remembered where they were, and if she concentrated, she could hear and smell the world of her family home beyond her bedroom. It was hard to keep herself grounded, to remind herself of something other than Bucky’s body, so warm and giving.

They went silent as she sunk onto him, before they both gasped. The girth of him stretched and made the world her bed and her bed alone – she shut her mouth, moaning as she sat on him, taking him to the hilt.

“Darcy…” he whispered, and she met his eye, beginning to grind. “I love you.”

“I love you, too…”

“No,” he whispered, shaking his head, a whimper escaping. “I _love_ you…”

She laughed, breathless. “Let me take care of you. You’ve been so good to me.”

She rode him, his eyes always on her face, and it was intimidating, until she felt herself detach from the old insecurities. This beautiful man loved her, and she loved him just as badly. In a few hours they’d be leaving this place, going back to the city. She’d make sure he never doubted how she felt about him. He’d never have to look at her without knowing what he meant to her.

“I’ve got a boyfriend,” she blurted, and Bucky gave a short, breathless laugh. She redoubled her efforts, her hips moving faster, dragging her clit against him. “Holy shit. You’re my _boyfriend_…”

She saw the poster in the corner of her eye and bit off a sheepish laugh.

“Shit… gotta keep quiet,” she whispered.

The bed was already squeaking softly, and she didn’t mind anymore. She didn’t care if anyone knew what they already suspected – that she had hot sex with her sexy boyfriend Bucky Barnes.

His thumb went to where he split her open, helping her find more friction. Darcy moaned behind gritted teeth, rolling her hips. Bucky’s knees moved up so he could have leverage, his thighs brushing her ass as he began to push up into her.

“Bucky –” she couldn’t keep the urgency out of her voice, her eyes widening at the feeling of him fucking her hard and fast, nothing between them. “-please, I nnnneeed …”

She clenched around him, her eyes slamming shut as she came, shuddering with it above him. She was spun around and Bucky pushed back into her, his chest pressed to hers, her legs resting in the crooks of his elbows.

Her core tensed up, and seemed overcome by it all, unable to control his desire any longer. She watched him fall apart, kissing her as he flattened her to the mattress.

She felt him twitch inside her, and they panted, kissing and holding one another. She was the one to try and wriggle out, but Bucky kissed her neck, shaking his head.

“No…”

“Need to get out of me, Sarge.”

She patted his butt, and he grumbled his refusal, relenting a few seconds later with a reluctant sigh, rolling onto his back. Darcy picked up his cybernetic hand and kissed the tips of his fingers. He watched her, his eyes warm and sleepy again.

“We need to face the day eventually,” she murmured, and he lifted a brow.

“Or we could just fuck until everyone leaves the house, and then come out…”

She laughed at that, unadulterated, throwing her head back.

She loved him so fucking much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BDI - Big Dick Imagery
> 
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter! I know some of you may disagree with my choices but I think you'll still enjoy my story.

_Keep smiling through_   
_Just like you always do_   
_'Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away_

\- **"We'll Meet Again" by Vera Lynn**

Darcy slammed her bowl down on the dining table, making Hannah jump and groan.

She was currently sitting with her elbow propped up, her eyes squeezed shut with her other hand clutching a steaming cup of black coffee.

“Fuck’s sake, Darcy,” she hissed.

She couldn’t help wanting to make her sister suffer a little because of her hangover. It was too tempting, and Hannah was really an easier target when she was this wrecked. Ellen and Eli already sat at the table, the couple staring as Darcy sat on the other side of the table with absolutely no discomfort. Bucky was in the kitchen getting his own plate, and slipped into the chair beside her, his cybernetic hand free of its glove and rubbing Darcy’s shoulder.

“How’d everyone sleep?” Darcy asked, glancing down at her bowl of Lucky Charms. She took a spoonful and shoved it into her mouth, chewing happily. Bucky sipped his coffee beside her.

Ted and Yvette were sitting at opposite ends of the table like last night, neither of them seeming bothered by the impending conflict. Darcy looked at Ted.

“You sleep good, Dad?”

“Absolutely. Like a log,” he said, and he flipped a page of his newspaper, peering down at the comics a second later and chuckling quietly to himself as he read.

Yvette looked at Bucky. “Darcy’s mattress alright?”

“Yeah,” he replied, a little lighter than yesterday. He seemed to have changed during the night, too. There seemed to be less hesitation on his part. “I was out like a light.”

His hand dropped from Darcy’s shoulder to squeeze her thigh and she smirked, turning her head slightly to meet his gaze.

She felt the thrill of knowing that when they got back to the city he was going to fuck her until she screamed. She blushed, glancing away, eating more cereal.

Mark and the kids were in the living room again, and the TV played cartoons, the sounds filling the silence in the dining room. Darcy ate the rest of her cereal, sitting back when she was done and taking Bucky’s hand in hers.

“Did you, um…” Eli began, and both Darcy and Bucky stared at him, expectant. “Did you give any thought to what I said last night?”

Darcy wondered what he could mean. She looked at Ellen, whose lips were pressed together, as if she was having to stop herself from speaking up. Darcy waited several seconds in case she managed to find her voice, but she didn’t.

She looked at Bucky, reaching to stroke his cheek.

“Can you pack up our stuff?” she said, and he nodded, smiling.

He was so eager to please and she loved him for it, closing her eyes as he gave her a kiss on the lips, standing up a second later.

“Darcy, I think Bucky should be part of the conversation,” Eli said, and Bucky went still, and Darcy’s brother froze as well.

Darcy leaned forward, clearing her throat.

“You mean when you gave me that unsolicited advice about my mental health? When you’re not a trained psychiatrist? You mean that advice, about me taking medication?”

Her voice was level but Darcy saw Hannah’s eyes bulge in the corner of her eye, and Ellen’s eyes flashed.

“And that’s you assuming you know better than me, right?” she went on, tilting her head to pretend she was having to think about it. She made an exaggerated frown. “No, I don’t think I’ll follow _that_ bullshit advice.”

Ellen let out an incredulous sound. “Yvette, you can’t let her dismiss this. She needs help.”

Darcy looked at her mom, who’d pursed her lips, frowning.

“Ellen, I don’t think it’s your business how I raise my children.”

Darcy’s lips parted in shock and Bucky’s eyebrows hiked. He remained standing, his hand back to Darcy’s shoulder.

Ellen flushed, her eyes snapping to meet Darcy’s.

“You –”

“What, Ellie?” Darcy said, the humor evaporating from her instantaneously. “You think with my army veteran boyfriend that I wouldn’t have heard of medication for mental illness? You think I have no experience with that personally?”

“Bucky’s on meds for his PTSD?” Eli blurted.

Bucky let out a short, mirthless laugh like a bark. “Nah, I take ‘em ‘cause I like the taste so fuckin’ much.”

His eyes were bright, staring Eli and Ellen down. He picked up his mug and Darcy’s empty cereal bowl, glancing at her mother.

“Pardon my language, Yvette,” he said, and Darcy’s mom gave a little secret smirk. He looked at Ted, nodding. “Sir.”

He walked out and Ellen huffed, standing up. She stalked out of the dining room, Eli in tow. Darcy looked at Hannah.

“We should talk.”

-

Darcy sat on the bed beside Hannah in her sister’s old bedroom, both of them nursing mugs of coffee.

“Eli tried to get you to agree to meds?” Hannah said, her eyes still wide like before.

Darcy shrugged, taking a sip. “He thought he had the right.”

Hannah let out a breath of a laugh, shaking her head. “God, we’re a bunch of cunts.”

Darcy snorted, unable to help herself. Her pristine older sister was always the nastiest of them all, making her laugh even when she was still angry with her.

“He waived the privledge of knowing that about me,” she murmured, shrugging again. “I don’t think he understood that, last night, that he’s hurt me too much.”

Hannah sucked in a shaky breath and Darcy’s eyes snapped to hers, alarmed.

“What about me?” Hannah said, a sob bubbling up. “Have I hurt you too much?”

Darcy grabbed her hand, squeezing it. “Hey… what did you do? Get pissed off at me for stealing Benji?”

“Why do you and Mark have to get along so fucking well?” Hannah whispered with a groan and then a sniffle. “You’re so…”

“You’re _jealous_ of me? I thought we’d already been over this. So many times,” Darcy whispered, squeezing Hannah’s hand. “You’ve got a beautiful son, and a handsome, smart husband who loves you so much…”

“I cheated on him,” Hannah mumbled, and Darcy felt her stomach drop. “He knows. It happened a couple years ago. We’ve been to counselling. We still go sometimes. When Benji told me about the snow day, it was like it all came back, the… paranoia…”

Darcy stared at Hannah, unsure of what to say.

“And you can’t deny it, and I know he can’t either, he’s attracted to you,” she muttered. “So I thought maybe… you two were up to something.”

“I’d never do that to you,” Darcy whispered. “I’d never –”

“But maybe Mark –”

“He wouldn’t, either,” Darcy cut in, shaking her head vehemently. “If he wanted to get back at you by making a pass at me or something, he would’ve done it by now…”

“He hasn’t?”

“_No_,” Darcy snapped. She dropped her sister’s hand and carded her fingers through her hair. “Jesus Christ, Hannah.”

Both women sighed, Hannah’s nose still running. She sniffed again, wiping her eyes.

“Why… _why_ did you cheat on him?” Darcy whispered, and Hannah squeezed her eyes shut.

“I… I got scared,” she mumbled, ducking her head and shaking it. “Everything was so stable and amazing… it scared me too much.”

Darcy thought of what she used to be like, so afraid of being tied down. She knew it was something to do with her Uncle Jack dying. She’d learned that life was horrible, and unpredictable, and that it was easier not to be tied down. She had no idea that it affected her sister, too.

“I get it,” Darcy whispered. “I… didn’t tell Bucky how I felt about him for the longest time. We were both too scared to tell each other.”

Hannah looked confused. “What do you mean? That’s crazy.”

“It’s not that crazy,” Darcy retorted. She didn’t think she could actually get into it, the fake dating idea she had, and her inability to see something as obvious as Bucky’s feelings right in front of her eyes.

“I think I’m still a little drunk,” Hannah mumbled. “If I puke, can you hold my hair?”

Darcy let out a short laugh. “Sure.”

-

Bucky got a kiss and a hug from Yvette and Hannah.

The whole family stood outside the house, Eli and Ellen with Annie, Mark and Benji beside them as Darcy’s parents hung around the car.

Ted clasped Bucky’s cybernetic hand in a brisk shake, smiling wide.

“Thank you,” Bucky said. “For the weekend. For letting us stay.”

“You’re family,” Yvette said, and he smiled at her again.

He looked down at Darcy.

“Thank you… for makin’ her,” he said.

Yvette and Hannah cooed together and Ted laughed.

Darcy glanced over at Eli and Ellen one last time, waving at Annie. Her niece grinned at her and waved. Eli looked sad.

Darcy looked up at Bucky.

“Just one sec.”

“You sure?” he murmured, reading her mind.

She nodded. She took off toward the house, walking right up to Ellen and Eli, placing her hands on her hips.

“I’ll come visit,” she said, and Ellen’s face changed. “When the baby comes. I can help babysit Annie when you’re at the hospital, or after. Take her to the park or something.”

Ellen looked like she meant to speak, but Eli cut her off, touching her hand.

“That would be great.”

Darcy looked at Ellen, waiting. She touched her belly, meeting Darcy’s eye.

“Yeah,” she said, and Darcy felt a weight lift off of her shoulders. Ellen nodded. “Yeah, we’d like that.”

“Awesome,” Darcy replied, before the moment could somehow be taken back.

She looked at Benji, doing finger-guns.

“Smell ya later, butthead.”

She walked back down to the car, taking her keys out of her jacket pocket and unlocking the doors with the button.

They both slipped into the car, and Darcy turned on the engine, taking second to put on her seatbelt. She glanced through the window at her family, all of them raising their hands to wave. She saw Bucky’s silver left hand raised in the corner of her eye and she smiled.

“Bye!”

She held her breath when they took off, only letting it go when they had left the street, Bucky’s hand reaching for hers to squeeze.

“Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy I managed to pull this off so quickly. Thank you so much for sticking with this for the past couple of weeks. Enjoy the sappiness. ❤

Darcy lowered herself further into the pew, Hannah’s mouth by her ear.

“That dress is fucking ugly.”

Darcy pressed her lips together to stop herself from laughing but it didn’t work entirely, a snort escaping, and Hannah joined her. Their smothered snickering was noticed by their mother on Darcy’s other side, her hand smacking Darcy’s thigh.

“That kid’s a quarter Jew,” Hannah whispered. “Does the priest know that?”

“Surprised neither of us burst into flames when we walked in,” Darcy threw back, and they snickered again, and Yvette glared at them.

Their laughter died down as they watched baby Lucinda splashed with water, Ellen and Eli too absorbed to notice the audience. Lucinda began to grizzle and the congregation cooed.

“I don’t know if it’s the dress that’s the problem,” Darcy murmured, picking up a glass of champagne, tapping it to Hannah’s before she took a sip. “Lucinda isn’t exactly photogenic at this stage.”

“She’s two months old,” Hannah said, shrugging. She seemed to be talking from experience. “She can’t help that.”

They were standing together in Eli’s living room, a dozen close family and friends all milling around. Like always, Hannah and Darcy were standing alone together in a corner, people-watching.

“She has permanent Paul Giamatti face,” Darcy said, smirking. “Semi-permanent.”

“All white babies look the same,” Hannah added. “At least she’s got the whole natural blonde thing going on…”

They sipped quietly, every so often saying hello to one of Ellen’s relatives. Occasionally Yvette would glance over at them as if to check they were still around. Ted was chatting to Mark while Benji hung off of his father’s arm, swinging back and forth, thoroughly bored.

“I got promoted,” Hannah said, and Darcy’s eyebrows rose. “Didn’t I tell you about that?”

“You know you didn’t,” Darcy retorted, but she smiled. “Congratulations. Did you get a new office?”

“No, but I got way more work and no bonus for my efforts, so there’s that,” Hannah muttered, rolling her eyes. “Sometimes I imagine starting a fire in my office and sitting back, watching to see what happens…”

“I wouldn’t recommend that,” Darcy said.

Benji came over, looking like he was in pain in his little suit, his eyes wide as he stared up at Hannah.

“Mom, I’m bored,” he groaned.

“I know, I am, too,” Hannah replied, pushing the hair away from his eyes. “We’ll go soon. Auntie Darcy has to get back to the city.”

“Why?” Benji said, making a face. “To go be with Bucky?”

He wasn’t entirely wrong but Darcy leaned forward, dropping her voice.

“I have to see Dr. Ashley.”

“Is that the lady who talks about Thor with you?” he muttered, sounding unimpressed. “Mom says she’s crazy expensive –”

“That’s what health insurance is for,” Darcy said. “Maybe I talk about you, too.”

She winked at him. Benji stuck out his tongue.

“I lie down on a couch and tell her about how perfect my little nephew is –”

“Bullshit,” he said, and Hannah gasped, before giggling.

“Benji, _we talked about that_.”

Benji flashed a mischievous grin before taking off, leaving Hannah with her mouth open, glancing at Darcy.

“He learned that from you, you know,” Darcy said, before her sister could accuse her.

“Except let’s not forget that when he was learning to speak, you tried your hardest to get him to repeat ‘Hail Satan’…”

“It was cute!” Darcy said, giving an exaggerated shrug. “There’s just no pleasing some people…”

They both giggled, sipping their booze, until Ellen materialized, holding the girl of the hour.

“Hey, baby,” Darcy said. “And hi to you, too, Lucinda…”

Ellen didn’t always appreciate her sister-in-law’s jokes, but she was trying, her mouth spreading into an awkward smile, her eyes dipping to inspect Darcy’s outfit. She wondered if she passed Ellen’s test, and she seemed to, by the lack of reaction on Ellen’s part.

“Thank you for coming,” Ellen replied in her baby voice, looking at Lucinda, who was busy scowling. “Auntie Darcy coming all this way…”

“Sorry Bucky couldn’t make it,” Darcy added, and Ellen blinked at her. “He had a mission. That sh-_stuff_ is pretty immovable.”

Ellen nodded. “That’s okay. I’m glad you’re still seeing him.”

She left after talking to Hannah about the promotion and Darcy glanced at her sister, eyebrows raised.

“She might have asked if you and Bucky broke up,” Hannah murmured, and Darcy rolled her eyes. “At least she’s not being an evil cunt so much…”

Darcy nodded, throwing back the rest of her drink. “You ready to motor?”

“Sure,” Hannah replied. She narrowed her eyes. “And I _know_ your stud’s not on a mission, by the way.”

“Sure he is,” Darcy replied airily. “I just didn’t specify whether it was work related or not. Technically not a lie…”

-

Darcy kicked off her shoes when the front door shut behind her, stretching her arms above her head and yawning.

She heard the sound of a page turning and smiled to herself, dropping her bag on the floor next to her discarded high heels.

She walked down the hallway, stopping in the doorway to her bedroom to see Bucky sat up in bed, his book open. He glanced up, smiling.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Sarge,” she replied.

She ran over to her bed and jumped on top of him. Bucky let out an exaggerated groan, his arms wrapping around her with his book between them, pulling her into a kiss. When they broke apart sometime later, Darcy whispered:

“Fuck me.”

He grinned up at her.

“Again?”

She knew he was naked under the sheet. She’d left him that way in the morning, and returning from the christening and then her appointment with her therapist, she was glad he’d hardly moved all day. She could see he had toast before, judging by the dirty plate on the bedside table, and she imagined him cooking in the nude while she was out.

Her hands went to her dress and she tugged it off, Bucky’s eyes glued to her as she stripped everything away. He put the book aside and touched her bare knee when she knelt back down.

His fingers glided up her thigh to spread her legs a little, as Darcy grabbed the sheet to pull it back, exposing Bucky to her.

“C’mere,” he whispered. “Been thinkin’ about you all day…”

She climbed on top of him, and soon they were moving together, Darcy’s hips rocking to meet Bucky’s as he pushed up inside her, their breaths coming in pants. Her lips felt rubbed raw from kissing, the coil inside her taut as a bow string. She was right there, right at the very edge of it, when Bucky spoke again:

“I love you so fuckin’ much…”

It was unexpected and she sucked in a breath, overcome by his words. He said them with such reverence that her eyes watered, her lip quivering. She bit it to control herself, only for Bucky to cup her face, determined.

“I _love_ you.”

“I love you, too,” she whispered.

She came, slamming her eyes shut, feeling wrung out by the end of it, her body boneless and slumping forward. Bucky caught her, wrapping his arms around her tighter as he thrust into her, on the precipice of his own climax.

He gasped her name as he came, clinging her tighter than ever, pressing a kiss to her face when he recovered enough. Darcy pulled back to kiss him on the mouth, long and languid, both of them sighing.

“Gimme five minutes and I’ll do that again,” Bucky whispered. It sounded like a threat and Darcy laughed breathlessly, moving off of him to clean up.

When she returned, he had picked up the book again, and she could see it was her copy of Lauren Bacall’s autobiography. It was a Goodwill find, with doggy-eared pages and a broken spine.

She crawled under the sheet, resting under his arm and kissing his neck before glancing down at the page.

“Read me some?” she whispered.

“This quote made me think of you,” he murmured, and Darcy’s brows lifted.

“Oh?”

“Yeah… lemme see if I can find it again,” he said.

There was no way he wouldn’t find it again – Darcy knew that by the little piece of paper he’d tucked into the book, and he took it out, licking his lips before reading it out:

_“I could finally think of allowing it to pour over this man and fill his life with laughter, warmth, joy – things he hadn’t had for such a long time, if ever. My imagination was working overtime.”_

Darcy was so touched that she felt her eyes prickle, going completely silent as the words tumbled over and over in her head.

Bucky sensed it, putting the book aside once more, tugging her on top of him, kissing her, loving her.

Everything had fallen into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky was reading from By Myself and Then Some by Lauren Bacall.  
[my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


End file.
